Today, March 27, Karen would have been 48 years old.
It has been 7 and a half months since Karen's passing. I still miss her so very much. After 20 years of marriage - two thirds of my adult life - I am without memories that do not include Karen. How does one converse without mentioning a diseased spouse when that spouse occupied so much of one's life. I find myself trying not to use her name when speaking of past events. Then I wonder why I bother. This is very strange. In a way I think I should stop using her name in order for me to finish the recovery process. In another way, I don't want to stop using her name because she filled me with joy and happiness. Who can ever forget that smile, laugh, and witty humor.
I realized last fall that I will never forget Karen. She will never leave my thoughts. We had such a wonderful marriage that there is no way I can ever stop thinking of her.
I am struggling to look forward when so much of my past is now gone. My wonderful wife, pets we loved, and activities we did together are all gone. All I have are hollow memories. Karen is gone. Long time friends are far away. Even friends of many years have terminated their friendship. This is odd when you need your friends more now than ever. Well, guess that says something about who they are.
So I sit here today struggling to look forward with my new bride. Yes I have remarried to a wonderful loving lady. Carol and I got married on a cruise ship on Tuesday February 26, 2013. I look forward to many happy years together as I reconcile the past.