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Good Days & Bad Days

Posted Oct 25 2009 11:06pm

A friend of mine & a 5 year cancer survivor told me at the very beginning of this journey, “stand on the Word, always. You’re gonna have good days & bad days & that’s okay, as long as your faith is unshakable.” This past week has been a bit tough for me. I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe it was the Light The Night walk… seeing all of those gold balloons :( Maybe it’s the isolation that’s beginning to wear on me a little. Truth is, I don’t miss my old life… I’ve learned so much, grown much closer to God, & formed a much more mature & deeper appreciation for what matters. I don’t want to give those things back! They’ve changed me for the better, certainly. Still, I have good days & bad days. My heart aches for Keely & I’m reminded of how God’s heart aches for me (His child). I can’t begin to tell the world how thankful I am that she is here & fighting such a good fight. Recently, some friends of ours, lost their 18 month old daughter unexpectedly during the night. A perfectly healthy little girl who just never woke up. Keely is here… & fighting!

We all have our own battles. For everyone, it’s not cancer. With perfectly healthy children, it may be a turbulent marriage, or an addiction, or a sudden loss, or poverty, or troubled children, or inner battles… the list is long. Point is, whenever our situation seems really bad… I realize that there are many levels of “bad” & it varies for every person. I may think that our situation is worse than someone else’s, but it’s a struggle all the same. Yes, we have a child battling cancer, but we also have a beautiful marriage, a family unit that is destined to shine, a stable job, an amazing church family, & Christ! & soon enough, our lives will resume to normality. We can’t let the storms of life cloud the blessings!

Keely is on strict isolation this week (& most likely the next few weeks) due to low counts & intense chemo. We have really done our best to shield her from the things she is missing out on when she’s on isolation. Brian is taking Cale to LWFC’s Fall Festival & I’ve decided to have a “girls night” with Keely. I have all kinds of fun girl stuff up my sleeve. I just remind myself that this time next year, she should be able to pick up where she left off :) and I figure Disney World will surely make up for it!!

Keely was delayed this week for chemo due to low counts. We will return on Tuesday in hopes of being able to start the Cytoxan & ARA-C. If that’s the case, she will come home from clinic still accessed & we will administer IV chemo at home for the next 2 weeks. I feel extra protective when she is home with the needle accessed, but since we’ve done it before, I know that everything will be fine & the 2 weeks will be over before we know it. Keely has been extremely blessed to be sailing through this intense phase with ease. She hasn’t been sick even once & aside from the steroids (roid-rage! shew!), she has had lots of energy & been in great spirits! It’s just amazing. Lots of kids have been really sick from clinic recently, so I have been SO thankful that although her counts are low, Keely has been really healthy!

I think we do an amazing job as a family of creating goodtimes with the most basic things. Whether it’s putting Cale in Finley’s walker & laughing until our stomachs hurt watching him stroll around in it, or dressing ALL of the kids up in princess gear & taking pictures to blackmail the boys someday (hehe), or using Desi for our amusement in someway that is just absolutely hilarious (& harmless, trust me… my husband tells me that I should work for P.E.T.A) Last night, we put this hat & gloves on Finley & role played… Finley was the Lion on Wizard of Oz as Brian did the talking for him “put ‘em up. put ‘em up”. You probably had to be there, but it was pretty funny. I thought Keely was going to stop breathing she was laughing so hard. Evidence:

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& we had the annual “Light The Night” walk this past Saturday. We had such a blast! There were lots of fun entertainment before the walk kicked off… Keely watched a few dance teams perform, there were fun balloon hats, great food, & of course some amazing friends who came out to join & support us. Keely was able to meet some long time survivors which was really inspiring. & the walk itself was great! The weather was perfect for walking & the area that we walked was such a great location (starting at Fayetteville Street downtown & walking around the block, passing the capital building, etc.). Keely walked almost the whole 2 miles, Cale rode in style & Finley was all bundled up & slept peacefully the entire walk :) We couldn’t have asked for a better evening. I look forward to being a part of it for many years.

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* SILLY FACE *

And now… as I type this, I’m watching my daughter “doctor” her raggedy anne doll. Which includes, sedation (or a nap as the clinic kids call it) & a spinal tap (she even knew where to put the band-aid on her back once she was finished), a trip to the E.R. for a fever, & a mention of how she is done with her chemo & doing well because her hair is growing back. haha. Far from normal & a bit disturbing, but super cute at the same time.

Posted in christianity, family :), growth, Keely's Journey, Leukemia, spirituality
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