I can't seem to get over my doctors visit yesterday. And it isn't because it didn't go well, because it did. My CA - 125 is stable at a lovely 4, and my CT was clean. What more can a cancer survivor ask for right????
My medical oncologist always makes me feel so wonderful, she is always full of encouragement and positive reinforcement that make me just want to carry her around in my pocket to reassure me all the time! I adore her. Yesterday, I could sense that she walked into my appointment tense. Some of my paper work required searching for and she was frustrated with my lab results not being sent to her directly. Now, I would imagine working with cancer patients, it must be a real challenge to be optimistic all the time, I get that. One of the benefits of being a social worker, is you get really good at looking at another persons perspective and where they are coming from. At my appointment, after she palpated my stomach and felt around for anything unusual, I asked her a question that has been on my mind lately. I asked her how long should I be in remission before I would even consider attempting to carry a child???
Just a side note, for those readers who don't know my history. I had my ovaries removed, but was able to preserve my uterus with hopes that I could get a donor egg, and my husbands sperm and carry. Now, don't get me wrong....I am by NO means thinking of doing this ANY TIME SOON. Because we aren't ready for that. We are enjoying just being married, and getting our lives together.
But, I wanted her opinion if she believes I should wait the full five years - as that is the mark where most cancer survivors do a dance because statistically it is stated that most cancers will reoccur before this time. I reminded her that my two year in remission is in less than a month, and I was just curious. She said "well a lot of people with Cancer make it to two years without recurrence." My husband told me that my faced just dropped when she said that. Don't get me wrong, this is a fact that I know. I guess I really want to believe that making it to two years is something significant, and that I would be less likely to reoccur if I made it to this mark. And I guess it was just a reality check for me and reconfirms my thought of "you are definitely not out of the woods yet" as much as I would like to think I am.
So here recommendation that I wait at least three years before even considering the invitro, which is FINE with me because even if I had my ovaries and pregnancy would have been relatively easy - we wouldn't be going down that road before than anyway.
So, in sum - I am still a bit bummed out by that statement. I'll probably carry it around with me for a while, until I can shake it off. What bothers me most, is I got a good report. My labs are clean, and I want to appreciate and enjoy that. And today, I just feel down and unable to focus on that positive note. I usually can focus on the positive, it bothers me that I can't. I just can't seem to get over it just yet.
I can't seem to get over my doctors visit yesterday. And it isn't because it didn't go well, because it did. My CA - 125 is stable at a lovely 4, and my CT was clean. What more can a cancer survivor ask for right????
My medical oncologist always makes me feel so wonderful, she is always full of encouragement and positive reinforcement that make me just want to carry her around in my pocket to reassure me all the time! I adore her. Yesterday, I could sense that she walked into my appointment tense. Some of my paper work required searching for and she was frustrated with my lab results not being sent to her directly. Now, I would imagine working with cancer patients, it must be a real challenge to be optimistic all the time, I get that. One of the benefits of being a social worker, is you get really good at looking at another persons perspective and where they are coming from. At my appointment, after she palpated my stomach and felt around for anything unusual, I asked her a question that has been on my mind lately. I asked her how long should I be in remission before I would even consider attempting to carry a child???
Just a side note, for those readers who don't know my history. I had my ovaries removed, but was able to preserve my uterus with hopes that I could get a donor egg, and my husbands sperm and carry. Now, don't get me wrong....I am by NO means thinking of doing this ANY TIME SOON. Because we aren't ready for that. We are enjoying just being married, and getting our lives together.
But, I wanted her opinion if she believes I should wait the full five years - as that is the mark where most cancer survivors do a dance because statistically it is stated that most cancers will reoccur before this time. I reminded her that my two year in remission is in less than a month, and I was just curious. She said "well a lot of people with Cancer make it to two years without recurrence." My husband told me that my faced just dropped when she said that. Don't get me wrong, this is a fact that I know. I guess I really want to believe that making it to two years is something significant, and that I would be less likely to reoccur if I made it to this mark. And I guess it was just a reality check for me and reconfirms my thought of "you are definitely not out of the woods yet" as much as I would like to think I am.
So here recommendation that I wait at least three years before even considering the invitro, which is FINE with me because even if I had my ovaries and pregnancy would have been relatively easy - we wouldn't be going down that road before than anyway.
So, in sum - I am still a bit bummed out by that statement. I'll probably carry it around with me for a while, until I can shake it off. What bothers me most, is I got a good report. My labs are clean, and I want to appreciate and enjoy that. And today, I just feel down and unable to focus on that positive note. I usually can focus on the positive, it bothers me that I can't. I just can't seem to get over it just yet.