It surely goes without saying that I am absolutely thrilled that today I recieved my very LAST Gemzar chemo infusion! To a point, it's bittersweet. While I'm glad to no longer have the weekly, painful iv, burning chemo infusion and icky side effects...I feel vulnerable. It's as if I've lost one training wheel that was keeping me upright and stable and now thrust into being more on my own to accept whatever will happen. But I'm still very excited and thankful to have it behind me!
The nurse I had today told me I'd already been blessed. She shared that she rarely sees pancreatic cancer patients in the chemo infusion room because, normally, pancreatic cancer patients are diagnosed too late for any treatment to be helpful. She said that I'd already been given a miracle. I sort of felt that way early on....as if my deceased younger brother (who passed from duodenal cancer just 15 months prior to my diagnosis) had a chat with God to insure that I'd receive the chance he never got.
After my infusion came to an end today and to my surprise, all the nurses that were on duty (and in the past 6 months, I got to know all of them) came into my room playing tambourines, singing and congratulating me as one placed a "Distinguished Patient Award" (pictured) around my neck....something I'm sure all patients receieve upon completion of a cancer treatment. It was a sweet moment and one I'll never forget. I recieved lots of hugs from them and thanked them for their warm care...they were SO awesome!
I have a CT scan scheduled for the 27th that will show how well the chemo has done. Then, I'll be starting a chemo/radiation therapy treatment within the next month that will last 5-1/2 weeks (daily). This is my other training wheel. One day, I'll be riding through life, stable, sturdy and free.