Humility is an interesting issue. I am beginning to realize that a life of humility has facets to it, somewhat like a diamond. As you move a diamond around, light catches on the different facets and a new view of the diamond is possible, nuances and dimensions that were unseen before come into view. Through this cancer fighting journey, I have thought a lot about humility as well as experienced deeper levels of it than ever before. I really thought that during the time when I had no hair, to say nothing of having no breasts, and still was able to go out in public, smile and look people in the eye, that God had done a pretty deep work of humility in me. I was willing to be known for who I am, even without hair or breasts. That was a really difficult part of my journey emotionally, but I got through it and was content. Then the diamond moved, light caught the facet and another dimension of my life was exposed. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. I prayed, gave up my rights to look normal, dug down to my source of value and worth that is not found in my outward appearance but in who I am as a person and who I am especially as a daughter of the Living God. I know that in Jesus I am loved and accepted completely just for who I am. I struggled for several days, prayed, had some weepy moments and then found a new and deeper place of humility and contentment.
So, you might think, like I did, that I had pretty much hit rock bottom in the journey toward humility. I thought that surely light had hit every possible facet of that diamond, but apparently not. It seems so silly in comparison to what I have already gone through but I am having yet another lesson in humility. Perhaps I should call it an opportunity for humility. With these hyperbaric treatments, on the day of treatment, I am not allowed to wear any makeup, I can't wear any hair products, no deodorant or perfume, not even lotion for my skin that has gotten so dry from the treatments. I can use a very mild soap and that is it. (These treatments are 5-6 days a week.) I think I was so ready to get back to normal, now that my hair is growing slowly back and my eyebrows and lashes have returned, that this new set of circumstances took me off guard. I can feel myself settling into being content and comfortable out in public again au natural, but it has been a struggle. I have prayed, felt frustrated and have been a little self conscious out in public, that is usually my barometer so to speak for where I am in the humility department. Do I think about myself when I am out in public, am I wondering what other people think of me, am I consciously aware of my appereance when I look at someone, can I look people in the eye and smile at them to bring them joy and encouragement or am I thinking about what they will think of me? Those are some of the ways I can practically gauge how free I am in the area of humility. That is the wonderful thing about humility, it frees us from self. It frees us from being self-conscious to that we can be God-conscious. It also frees us to be able to give of ourselves freely to others. So, though these opportunities have been challenging, I really do welcome the light shining on the various facets of my life where I am in need to deeper humility, exposing the nuances and dimensions of which I was previously unaware. This life is a journey, I am grateful that I do not walk alone.