When I looked in the mirror I see a happy twenty-something year old, mother and wife. I see my life flourishing, a big smile, and myself "smizing" right back at me. I see my "old face". When I listen to myself I hear a peppy, loud voice, tainted with a southern twang with a splash of "sweet valley high". I hear my "old voice".
People say reality is your own perception. And I suppose what I am seeing and hearing is what I WANT TO SEE AND HEAR. Not what is real in this day or time. Every where I look I see signs of myself and I have no doubt that I am still in there...But I am coming face to face with the reality.
The reality is my face not mine anymore. The reality is the cancer took over my face and body. The reality is I have edema in my face. The reality is I am missing part of my neck. The reality is I have a scar all the way across my neck. The reality is the saliva from radiation in my mouth is eating away at my teeth. The reality is I am missing part of my tongue. The reality is people cannot understand me. The reality is people look at me because I am different. The reality is I am in chronic pain. The reality is I have my life. The reality is I am a cancer survivor.
And I need to find a way to be happy with myself in this reality.