Due to surgery, part of the motor strip in my brain is damaged. After surgery I did physical and occupational therapy for a number of months to regain my balance and gait. But I still experience odd sensations that will never make me feel the same as I once was.
For instance, when getting a pedicure it should feel relaxing to have my feet massaged. Well, I love the massage on the left foot but the right foot is pure torture. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't tickle. It's just wrong. Nervy. Weird. I now ask the pedicurist (is that even a word?) to massage my right foot lightly and for less time and then devote more energy to the left foot.
In a previous post I wrote about how it feels to run. Again, the right foot feels numb and wrong.
Tonight I tried something new: I used an exercise bike. But like many other exercises involving the shifting of weight from the left to the right, I could feel the numbness in the right side of my body. It was so weird I almost could not concentrate on other things going on around me. I was watching the Daily Show while using the exercise bike and I couldn't understand what Jon Stewart was saying. I was so wrapped up in the physical sensation of numb-foot that I mulled over the word "eureka" for a full 30 seconds before I could grasp what he was saying. I seriously pondered a possibility that I was having a stroke. Fortunately, other words were making sense and the sensation passed.
I hate that every little that happens I immediately trace back to being an issue with my brain tumor.
"What? I don't know why I am walking across the room? There must be something wrong with the tumor."
"Why can't I pay attention to this meeting? It must be the tumor."
"I just ran into that bookcase--again. It must be the brain damage."
"I have no idea what I was about to say. Stupid brain cancer."
"What does 'eureka' mean? I must be having a stroke."