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Eloquence of the 59th Month After Diagnosis

Posted Feb 16 2011 2:42pm
  Birdfeeder by Mary Azarian

My mother writes to three college friends
Dear Beloved People,
Would you like to hear about a typical day? Wake up around 10 or 11. A long druggy transition while I straddle the narcotic-riddled dreams that make Ulysses look like Pat the Bunny and the sounds of the real world: Oscar's busy-ness downstairs, the garbage truck, snow shovels scraping. Once my eyes stay open, I call "Hi Ocky" and he brings me tea and my injection stuff. Often I stay in bed another hour or two: marinating in thoughts of family and friends; crosswords, ken-ken, cryptics. The puzzles require a sort of minute mental operation that feels calming and (in a large stretch of the concept) productive. It's somewhere between meditative and obsessive. Breakfast downstairs early afternoon and get dressed. Usually it's a plain day puttering at home, but sometimes there's an appointment or a visit with a friend. Generally Oscar drives me, though I do still drive when I feel that my mind is clear enough. I'm on round-the-clock pain stuff and sometimes it makes me thick and stupid, so the driving is iffy. I read a little and prefer recorded books (with few characters). Netflix is big in this house. I love late afternoons -- back in bed, this time with the string of colored Christmas lights plugged in. I love the slow darkening outside and the fastness of my nest. Oscar makes us supper which we usually have in the den with Netflix. Oh sweet decadence! In jammies and bed by 8:00. More puzzles and and then lights out listening to Bach on my iPod. I've gotten so I can turn it off without waking up.
Having said all that, here are some things I've done in the last month. Driven to physical therapy (silly old neck), gone to the movies (but I've forgotten what we saw), loaded and unloaded the dishwasher many times, done several 1000-piece jigsaws on the dining room table, gone to a valentine's lunch party at a friend's house, gotten a hair cut (think Judi Dench), done every fiber of laundry, shoveled snow for 5 minutes at a stretch, had dinner in a restaurant, taken some slow walks. Such a resume!
I'm on a new chemo, the tumors having figured out that the old one was a plot against them. It is just plain dreadful. One down, five to go (if I'm lucky enough that it's working).
I am fine. More than fine.
I love hearing from each of you. Thank you thank you thank you.
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