Today is day 14 and it was a rough day again as were the past few. My mornings always start well, but seem to go downhill. A positive note I was able to be disconnected from all my iv's to get a shower, which felt like bliss. About 11 a.m I got the shakes so bad and could not get rid of them. The doctor came in and said since I keep having them along with fevers they were going to give me a pain medicine which takes them away and then get infectious disease who manages the drugs to switch me to another antibiotic and also cortisone shots. I still have this horrible head to toe sun burn rash. Anyways hour and a half later and me in bed shaking out of control no one comes with shot, I call nurse and said hes not giving it to me as they are working on switching me over. I demanded to see the Physician's Assistant who is on the floor and I have her an ear full. You don't leave a person like that when you have no idea until the new plan in order. I was very upset with them, and gave her a piece of my mind. They ended up giving me a dose of Ativan to calm me down they said, which did not take away the shakes all the way but did some. Steven came over and talked to supervisor also to get me some help, it was a rotten afternoon. After the shakes came down I took a nap and just woke up, feeling a bit better, but hoping they do not return. It takes a lot for me to loose my cool and positive thinking, but these have been some hard days. I hope that my white blood counts start going up quicker and engrafting so I can feel better, I am not liking this cycle I am on. I know in a few months it will be behind me as I am home resting, but to get through that time is challenging a lot of me.
I felt so bad today I did not even want the kids to visit. Steven's Mom came in for a weekend visit and came over, but I am not sure I am up for everyone visiting later tonight, its been a long day. I am still not able to eat, one look at a heavy dinner tray and I am not able to eat it, I been surviving on fruit, cereal with milk. But they say it is great I am maintaining food on my own, so just eat what I can as long as you get calories in. How sad is it that Steven brought me a bag of my favorite chocolates - and they dont taste good to me at all. What - chocolate not taste good, lol. I will just save it for when I am up to snacking again.
For those who pray and are so supportive of me through prayer, please pray for better feeling days and engraftment soon, or the power for me to get through the tough days and maitaining my focus of why I am doing this and that soon the hard days will be in the past.