Our amazing friend Laurie gave us a 3 hour break Saturday afternoon. It was great fun to be alone and do what we wanted. We changed the oil, ran errands, and spent time alone, which we haven’t been able to do with the kids around!
Coffee first! At the shop I saw an older man walking out. He had a grey beard, the guy was slightly bald, and looked almost just the same as my father. Uh oh. Felt a buzz on the left side of my body. I let it go and told Melissa. I think we walked into the seizure trigger. I know I am diagnosing myself but when I see someone that looks like my Father it triggers a seizure . I had another full on convulsive seizure last week. What should I think? I have probably been carrying all this anger and hatred for this man all this time and not able to deal with it. I have noticed, which, by age 41 with three children, I still have a chance. Since the main focus of my therapy was usually about my Mother I didn’t really deal with my issues with my Father.
It’s hard for me to write this down. I’ve been in therapy for years and the breakthrough may have finally come and I’ve been able to deal with this head on whereas it may have been the major underlying issue for years. Not necessarily causing my cancer but maybe helping it by ignoring my issues with my father.
Last week I had a convulsive seizure that has turned my head inside out. First there was a loss of words and now my words have come back but sometimes opposite as what I want to say which is really hard for me, of course, hard for anyone, not just an academic issue.