My boyz have been very interested in flash drives lately. Grant is in a fully equipped electronic media classroom and is taught almost entirely in electronic fashion, so they are encouraged to bring equipment in to save and bring home their work. Also, Gavin wants a flash drive for his birthday next month. On every 11 year old's top ten wish list!
Anyway, Gavin was going through a box from our move today and came across a flash drive and wanted to know if he could have it. I had to see what was on it first.
We came across MANY scanned pictures of Brian and family and friends - most were displayed at the funeral, but brought lots of smiles across our faces today.
Additionally, I came across this amazing item that I want to share with the world even though it is intended for one little boy.
That is it. It stops there. Not signed, not completed, not proofread.
It breaks my heart and it melts my heart all at once. I didn't remember he had done this. We had spoken of his doing this, but he became frustrated with it. First of all, by doing it, he felt he was succombing to his cancer instead of trying to beat it. I remember Brian saying to me once - I wanna be there to tell them these things. That balance was always so hard to find - between the fighting and the facing, the living and the dying. Secondly, you can see here exactly what was happening with his speech . He knew what he wanted to say, but the words would not come out the way he wanted them to.
SOOO ADMIRABLE to attempt this.
SOOOO ADMIRABLE to change from fighting to facing in this moment to bless his child some day.
What is SOOO ADMIRABLE about this, as well, is that even as Brian's speech was obviously affected as you can see here, he never lost his vocabulary and his ability to say things eloquently using a choice of words I wouldn't have thought to use when my speech function WASN'T affected.
Also, what is amazing about this is that his observations about Gavin are SPOT ON to who Gavin is today. Gavin makes good choices. He trusts his heart. He is noble. He needs to be told he can do it, because he TOTALLY can, but he gets down thinking he can't often. I LOVE THIS!!!
Most heartbreaking, though, is that while I remember he attempted to do this, he was SO frustrated with what he wanted to say and what was coming out that he stopped. He didn't want help with this. and then his health quickly declined from there. He doesn't have one for Grant. Please pray that as they age, Grant does not miss out on the blessing Gavin has in this letter. I know the observations he had for Grant and Grant's character and they are also spot on for who Grant is today. I know what Brian would have wanted to say to Grant, but the words will be mine, not his.
I did find 3 bullets in another document that he used as notes to what he wanted to say to each boy
He wanted to make sure each boy was affirmed in the positive attributes he possesses. Wanted to make sure they maintained a CAN DO attitude. And wanted to make sure they kept Christian beliefs with a TRIUNE God as the center.