I learned today that I lost a friend. We weren't close friends... we've had drinks together at parties... he was more of my friend's friend... people thought that we should be friends, and tried to get us to be friends because what we had in common was that we were both law school cancer survivors, and then young lawyers dealing with cancer. I think for this very reason we didn't actually become friends. Because it seemed like we were supposed to have this connection... but in real life, when you are with your friends, and hanging out... that isn't necessarily what you want your connection to be. Like so many things, I don't know if that makes sense.
I think its the same reason why I'm no good at support groups. Why I can't seem to muster the motivation to go to a cancer summit... talk one on one, or face to face with people. I don't like this world in my real world.
And yet, even keeping distance between us... I find that I am still hurt, that apparently there was this connection... a silent acknowledgment that someone else had a general idea of what you were dealing with... even if the circumstances were totally different. He was a mental cushion... someone I knew if anything worse happened to me I could call up and be like, how do I deal with this. I'm guessing it would have been a very awkward conversation... but it was an option that is no longer there.