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20/20 Vision

Posted May 12 2009 6:15pm

Recently a dear and treasured friend emailed after we had been out of touch for some time. Having lost my email address, he Googled me. As a result found this blog at which point he learned I had cancer. He then sent me a note asking, "Your blog just went cold! Did you die? Please say you didn't die!"

Funny! But he's right, it's been a while since I've been here so here I am.

I titled this blog post "20/20 Vision" but it really should be titled "1/1 Vision." I am a little distance away from the cancer now, so I can look back and gain *some* perspective. However, time will provide me with a lot more. It's a lot of learning, so slow is good.

I am back to what I was, plus. I still have the unknown lump on my ribcage, having not found the time to go back to the doctor just yet. Or maybe I just haven't found the inclination. Either way, little lump is safe there for now.

My scar has healed and it does not physically hurt. If you google "mastectomy pictures" you can see what it looks like (well, not MINE exactly, but mastectomy scars in general). I will warn you that it is very alarming to look at. Somehow, despite my own 10 inch long scar, I've made a pretty fast peace with how it looks and feels. Except for an occasional cattie-wampus bra incident, I look and feel the same from the outside looking in. So, all is well there.

I don't worry much about getting more cancer. Rather, I simply accept that more is in my future due to a high-level family history and my young age at first occurrence. Knowing this does affect the choices I make. For the better. Mostly.

And I feel much more at peace than before, internally. The difficulty that is coming into play for me now is dating. I have a very picky criteria list, to which I must now add, "person who is willing to put up with one boob and a 10 inch scar." To be honest, it's not much of a dilemma for me. My attitude is that if a person can't do that, then they are not for me. So, I go back to a state of being thankful for the pretty day and not worrying about much. It's just how I roll these days. Peace has its advantages.

(By the way - the picture above was taken from our ocean front cottage at Cape Cod in October. I'm still trying to get a picture slide show together ...)

Peas, Jen

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