I have to say that every time I say that I do not like the battle metaphors for stage 4 cancer, I deal with a crisis that denies my feelings that I am not a warrior. It certain feels like I’m fighting to get better and to get out of the hospital, and I cannot think of either a gentler way to express it nor one that seems as appropriate. I think when life is more settled, I think of myself more as a veteran than a warrior, but right now all I need is the rapier to complete my mental image.
Yesterday the oncology team told me that we might be changing my plan for treatment. Instead of trying to get me back on chemo, which seems to be running into constant threats from these nuisance infections and treatments, they are going to put me on a hormonal drug, Foreston®, a sort of relative to Tamoxifen®. I do not yet have any further details, but the team seemed to think they might be starting this new treatment in the next couple of days.
Last night I slept without oxygen for the first time, and my oxygen readings remained normal and stable throughout the night. Granted I did not sleep too much because they were in and out quite a bit for various reasons last night, I hope it’s a good sign that the fluid is draining sufficiently to enable me to breathe more easily. I managed to walk a little bit in the room yesterday, though I was very tired most of the day. I think I was worn out from the previous day’s news and activities.
Physical therapy is due to work with me today, so that means I get to leave the room and walk around a bit. I need that desperately because my legs are pretty weak. I do some exercises in the bed, but the walking seems to be the best exercise for me currently.
One happy note was that one of the aides who works often in the infusion center is working here on this floor today, and when she saw me, came to my room to give me a hug. She is very sweet and has a cheerful disposition, so that was a high point in my morning.