Recovery from the 4th chemo treatment has been going well. I hesitate to use the word well though. It doesn't ring true. I will restate. Recovery is going as well as can be expected.
How do I feel? Unwell.
When you evaluate how you feel while undergoing chemo, the definitions of the rating levels change.
pretty good means I am not overtly suffering right now and I'm feeling relief at this moment
I'm ok means I am feeling wretched but I don't want to complain anymore
I'm tired means I am likely both emotionally and physically drained
I need to lay down means I can't cope and need the relief and escape of sleep
I am feeling ok. But I am feeling unwell. The best way to describe how I feel is poisoned. Ailing, broken down, weak and so unlike my old self. I'm considering changing my chemo plan and not doing the last two treatments. I'm distressed about the long term harm of the chemo treatments. I am concerned that I may be being overtreated and that more chemo will make me weaker to fight cancer in the future.
I recognize that chemo fatigue may be influencing my thought process. I won't make an irrational decision. I will talk with Dr. Schmidt and we together will come to a decision. Right now I am wishing for an absolute. A guarantee. No one can give me that.