So far so good. That's right. My spirit soars with enthusiasm in this Ramadhan month. I have been praying hard that this year, Allah eases me and alhamdulillah, I am not weakened by the tiredness and the bodily pain. Serenity and peacefulness travels deep in the heart and mind, conquering the feeling, submerging the worry and fear. To all unanswered questions that trembles my inner feeling, I comfort it with: Wa ila Allahi turjaul umur... (For to Allah do all questions go back (for decision)Al-Anfal:44)
For a wife and a mother, it is my request and wish that I am able to do the cooking and serving for the family during Iftar and Sahoor. Last year MH had to trouble himself to get up very early to cook for the two boys for sahoor. I wept everytime I think of this moment. How I was so tidak berupaya (disabled) and so weak last year. To be able to cook for them and see them eat the food even though it would be only sunny side up eggs with a stir fried veggie served with the plain rice for sahoor, gives a satisfying feeling. What more when the boys said: Sedap yang Mommy masak... (The food are delicious Mom)
My youngest, Idris had asked me on the eve of Ramadhan: Mom, can you suap adik masa sahoor? (Can you feed me Mom?) He is 10 years old this year and inspite of that, I relented to his wish for a reason that I keep in my heart. He will sit next to me with his sleepy eyes, sometimes half closed and waits for me to feed him. Seeing him chewing the food like that still trembles my heart. What a bless to have such moment with my family.
I have been experiencing bad pain on my knuckles. So bad that I feel so painful to grip anything. I think I have lost my gripping ability. The fingers feel so tight and everytime I do the gripping exercise, I can't squezze my grip tightly. The back pain now moves to the knees and thighs, weakening my ability to stand or walk. My skin is at times feels itchy but no rash has been occurring on it. Sometimes I feel so odd scratching my calf or arm but I don't know what I scratch because I don't see any insect bite or skin rash that might cause it to occur.
Because of the pain on my knuckles, I have problems typing and replying each comment of yours. Be assured that I appreciate each one coming to boost my spirit. I take 2 days to type this entry and to do many editings because of the typo errors. To be able to complete it is a great milestone for me.
Ramadhan unites us the Tamrin clan. This is the time when many of us would gather at Bapak's house during the Iftar (the break of the fasting). My brother asked me if I was fasting last saturday and I told him: Alhamdulillah, till this very moment Allah gives me the strength to perform the fasting. He said while smiling at me: Sis, you are strong, despite the chemo and your pale look (I wasn't in good health last Saturday), you still can perform the fasting. I am proud of you sis! His remark beamed a smile on my face and I replied: Allah sends a magnanimous bless because all of you pray for me bro!
So far so good. So far so many good things have happened. So far so much good feeling comforting the heart and mind. So far the blessings are everywhere. Life is so wonderful without the nausea, the lost tastebuds, the pain in the body, the purging or the stomach discomfort and the major side effects of chemo drug. Alhamdulillah, and I thank all of you brothers and sisters from different faiths and creeds for sparing a moment in your prayer for me.
Indeed, this is the blessed month of Ramadhan. As a friend said:
Ramadhan, the beginning is rahmah. The middle is maghfirah. The ending is shunning us away from hell.
Let us all take this opportune time to conduct all Ibadaah in the name of Allah and seek forgiveness from Allah.