I just finished watching Stephen King’s Bag of Bones on our DVR. I only caught the last half of the movie, but I was struck by the loving relationship between the main character (Pierce Bronson) and a little girl. Someone had just killed her mom, and several people, including her dad, were trying to kill her. What a horrible premise! But it touched me how Bronson’s character protected, comforted and loved the precious girl.
I thought of how I would do anything to protect and love my daughter and how, as a little girl, I rarely felt protected. Drug abuse, infidelity and mental illness plagued our family, and as a result I was physically and emotionally abused and neglected. Now as an adult with metastatic breast cancer, I have times where I long to feel protected and loved. I want someone to put their arms around me and assure me that everything will be OK.
I sought this assurance from doctors and received the opposite. My prognosis was no longer rosy; in fact it was downright terrifying! But at that moment I realized that my childhood experiences would serve me well. I learned to be resilient and take action, but more important, I realized I was protected. Although it may not have been in human form, I believe my Higher Parent, whom I call God, was protecting and loving me along the way. And that same Higher Parent is protecting and guiding me today.
I believe we all have a Higher Parent in some form or another, regardless of religious or non-religious beliefs. It’s the still small voice that gut feeling that guides us to life-changing situations and stills and comforts us. That voice led me to find other people with metastatic cancer who beat the odds … and find hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. It continues to guide me as I decide on treatment options, healthy lifestyle changes and ways to enrich my life and help others.
I’ve talked to several Miracle Survivors who, when I asked if it was their faith in God that helped them through, respond, “I have faith in me!” I love that because it speaks to our strengths as individuals. I realize that I feel much stronger than I did four years ago when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. I no longer wake up every day in fear. I am much more in the moment and realize every day is a gift.
Sometimes my subconscious mind reminds me, however, that I still need a helping hand. I had a bad dream last night that I was getting a surgical procedure and somehow left my hospital room and couldn’t find my way back. Feeling lost: that’s been the theme of many of my stress-related dreams. This reminds me I’m human and I need to reach out and be vulnerable … like I’m doing now. Sometimes I just need a human hug! My meditation reading today from The Daily Word reminds me I have guidance to help me find a way back:
“Faith does not mean always being strong – but faith gives me the courage to take the next step knowing strength will come. It does not mean having a perfect plan, but moving forward assured that guidance and direction will be provided in the perfect way. Faith does not mean always getting exactly what I want, but knowing that my good is available in every situation.”
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