The arrangement to conduct a presentation entitled: Kanser... Ya Allah! Tabahkanlah kami! in UiTM Segamat Johor was done in a perfect order. I thanked God that the slides preparation was on time and I had managed to email those slides to the in-charged staff before the day took place. My excitement began when the driver from the University called me up that he had arrived at the designated location for MH to lead him to my house. Friends normally get lost if they go by themselves to my house, so the designated location is always the KLIA Mosque.
My excitement peaked as we all reached the University's gate. Escorted to the rest house, The Ledang Inn, my little boy Idris said: Abang rugi tak ikut... best macam orang besar ada motor besar pandu kita... The hospitality was superb and I told MH: This is part of the rahmah that comes with this sickness, Allah blesses us by giving this experience. SubhanaAllah...We must thank Him, Darling.
I was told that the Corporate Affair Unit had problems getting the audience because there were 2 events of the same nature (about cancer awareness) organized outside the campus by a couple of NGOs. I told them: It is okay with me, it is meant this way but I also believe there is a hikmah in everything that happens.
Sincerely, I was very calm this time. Maybe because my excitement was high, I wasn't really concerned with the butterfly in my stomach. When I run through my slides in my room that night, I felt confidence slowly seeping in. After performing the necessary solat that night, I slept with reciting some zikirs asking God to ease my day, tomorrow.
We had a good breakfast at the Director of the Campus'(Prof MKI) house. Being the guest of the Director of the Campus, I received not only the top-notch hospitality but also a warm welcome. Both of them made me feel very much at home. And most of the staff, as they gave the welcoming hug, showed me the looks as if they have known me for long. That made me very much at ease. Again, it is His nikmat and of the many bounties that I must not deny!
MH and Idris sat at the back as I took the podium with the Director of the Campus. After he gave a brief introduction about me, I started my talk with a few lines of a poem that summarizes what cancer is to me. I trembled and tears welled in my eyes, because writing and saying are two different things. Saying it is making the experience comes to life and I felt it so strongly as I read the poem aloud.
As I tracked back my journey and how this battle has had shaped me into the person I am today, I brought the audience to some laughs and tears moments. My talk is a heavy topic and having the audience listening attentively and seeing each face feeling what I said, showed that the session was a worth hearing and sharing one. Truthfully, I felt the exchanging of knowledge and experiences between a couple of the audience with me strengthens the spirit to fight in us. It is in this battle that I learn to see and appreciate the bounties Allah gives and to keep on relying on Him to give me the strength to pursue life in a more enriching way.
This battle has humbled me to seek knowledge and made me understand about the greatest power of a prayer and about the miraculous tawakkal and redha. I don't have the scientific proof for all these but the calmness in me gushes a strong sensation that I'll be alright, insyaAllah.
After my event, I joined all them to welcome some 50 plus primary students who had cycled their bikes uphill to the university mosque, As-syakirin Mosque for an event called Jelajah Basikal. We had the solat zuhur together and it was in the mosque that God showed me that He had eased my difficulty as I could perform the solat in tertib (full order). Prior to that I had performed it by sitting down. Amazing moment it was that after solat as realization set in, I felt so humbled and I kept on saying SubhanaAllah, subhanaAllah... alhamdulillah...
Allah's love is indeed abundant. That day, I felt okay despite the many events that took place. Tiredness was replaced with thankfulness. Because that occasion was one in a million experience!
I told Prof MKI that I had learnt a lot from his book, 'Travelog Haji: Mengubah Sempadan Iman'... Reading the book gave a reflection of my battle too. As I allowed myself to travel in the character written in the book, I realized we both share the same paradigm shift. To me this journey battling cancer has become similar to his journey that I told him, this battle is my Travelog Ujian: Mengubah Sempadan Iman (to rephrase the title to suit my battle).
Where are the photos? Hahahaha... forgetful was a nature of mankind... indeed! I was not able to shoot any photo because I forgot the camera... and it was in my handbag, all the while.... Hopefully, I could get some photos from the University's Corporate Affair Unit so I can upload it here later...
Thinking and writing this part of an experience shoot my excitement level, again. Thrilled and overjoyed.... Thank you to all parties involved. Thank you Prof and Roza for the meaningful Saturday!
Prof Dr Muhd Kamil Ibrahim (Prof MKI) had written 2 entries about the talk. Please read here and here.
I just had my CT Scan this morning. It was a tiring day. The machine broke down so I had to wait for my turn longer as the hospital only relied on one machine. As usual, it was not a good experience as the drug was injected into my arm. Hot flushes rushed in the face, throat to every nerve that again, I thought I had accidentally peed. The throat lost the taste buds and I felt very much uncomfortable after that. I slept on my way back home and since been sleeping on and off.
I woke up to update my blog and had strawberries to munch, hoping it would take the indescribable taste in my throat away. I will know the result of the CT Scan on Nov 6.
Whatever the outcome, I know it will be the best for me... I will continue to keep on fighting... till I breathe last...