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Of Good News and Bad News

Posted May 30 2010 4:27pm
Alhamdulillahirobbil 'alamiin...

The past weeks were filled up with many events that involved people visiting me. Relatives from my late mother-in-law: Mak Utih and her children - Halim and his family and Mak Usu Ani and her hubby; friends from old school SMSS - so many of them; friends from the blogworld - Suria and her hubby and kind-hearted abRahman who came and gave me the MonaVie juice to try.

In the name of Allah, we strengthen the ukhuwwah and the love for other Moslem brotherhood. There are so many fadhilats in visiting the sick ones... Allah gives us the mercy for both of us and shower us with His many rahmah for the good deeds... InsyaAllah...

I feel so much blessed that in my hard times battling indescribable pain, people took effort and spared their time to come to my house and be with me. The visits were meaningful though I felt bad that I couldn't serve all of them better and I had asked them to make it as comfortable as possible and get their own drink in my kitchen. Nevertheless, I felt the positive vibes seeping and replacing all sadness and the melancholic mood swing vanished as laughter and smiles took place.

Last week also I received news that MH can send me to perform another Umrah. My praise and grace is to Allah for He listens to my doa to give us the rezeki for that purpose. All arrangements were immediately made and I contacted the authorised travel agency that took me in 2007 to the Holy Land to get all details. MH and I visited the agency on Saturday to pay for the deposit and filled up all forms. Alhamdulillah, there is still a vacancy for the selected date and we could book the date.

Realising that my passport has expired, we will visit the agency again this week to pass the renewed passport and pay the remaining balance of the fare. I will be going alone and am praying that Allah eases all matters from the arrangements to my 14 stay in the Holy Lands with good physical, mental and spiritual conditions to perform the Ibadah. I appreciate if all of you can pray for me too. I have to slowly get my energy now for the many Ibadah there. Allah is with me and He will look after me - this is the confidence that MH has and he is letting me go with love and redha in his heart... Thank you for your generosity Darling... May Allah bless you with abundant barakah in your life..ameen.

On 2nd June I will go to the Traditional and Complementary medicine Unit of Putrajaya Hospital. I still have no idea what this center is all about but got some glimpse about it that it is an option for those who have exhausted chemo and radiotherapy. I will write about it after the visit InsyaAllah.

I have been consuming the Noni Extract and the Monavie Juice since the past 2 weeks. These two add to the many supplementary foods I am consuming. So far alhamdulillah, the body is responding well with increased energy and I can see my face is fresher. Pink is slowly becoming the colour of my health...My sleeping pattern is improved too and when the energy is improving I am able to control my breaths when I recite the Holy Qur'an and whenever I do the long prostration I have no problem with giddiness. Alhamdulillah, slowly I am feeling the nikmah of better wellbeing....

I am confident, it is YOUR supplications and prayers that have helped me regain my good spirit and health, apart from the food I consumed. It is undeniably His Love and Mercy. I am blessed to have all of you. Thank you for coming into my life...

I still have occasional chest and lower back pains as the cancers are now in the chest, abdomen and pelvic bones too. But I am not complaining about the pain. They come in times that I need to slow down and have more zikirs.. GOD is never cruel and I am pledging He makes this pain as catalyst to cleanse my sins... It is no more thinking about the cancers. They want to stay, let them. But stay is what they only do. They cannot conquer my mind and spirit to live. They want to live in me, fine. Let them be. I know my doctors are very concerned with my prognosis. It is definitely not getting better but I am very much at peace now and with a better quality of life, I am not asking much more. People can tell of some scary after effect of consequence from my prognosis but I am no longer concerned about that. I know what is happening is the best for me. They can tell me I haven't done good enough. They can say anything. It is Allah that knows the most. I am leaving my life to Him for every second and moment of it. I want His guidance for every second of my life...

I hear many death news off late. Some sadness swept every time I hear the news but I have to accept it as part of the promise Allah gave us long before. Every living thing will die. Only we don't know when our time to leave the earth will come. Some return to Him soon, some later but we all still leave for Him. Death is definitely not an ending of a life. It is the beginning of the eternal one. Some news shocked many of us as the healthy one dies. When the time is up, nothing can come in between. Not even your health. Some left without leaving goodbyes and news like that is more heart-wrenching as closed ones are not ready to let go.

And this morning, a recent closer cancer patient-sister, Azura who was the cousin for Jordan's wife and the sister in law for Yani of Kitchen Guardian blog has left us all after battling acute leukemia. May her soul be showered with His rahmah and placed amongst His loved ones...ameen. I am consoling myself that she is no longer in pain now. That she is currently at peace even though I will miss listening to her soft voice and reading her text messages asking me to pray for her. Allah loves you sis. Al-fatihah...

With the bad news, I keep on reminding myself to remember death more. To think of it in the positive way. That I need to leave something for my family and friends. That I need to teach myself and hopefully them about letting go and detachment. That I need to understand a matter of death is a matter of faith. No one lives in immortality. That we bring nothing except the deeds we do on earth. We are given time to correct and improve our deeds. That in life we have priorities and everything we do in setting the priorities in order, all is taken into the account for the eternal life. That life is terminally short and precious.

With the bad news, I am teaching myself to soften my heart. To forgive and ask for forgiveness. Asking forgiveness from God is easy for we know He is the Most Merciful and Loving. All we need is to keep on pledging and begging in sincerity. But asking forgiveness from mankind is difficult for we are not the merciful ones. Loving ones maybe but merciful is hardly. We are affected by emotions and past incidents. Revenge and grudges can be the deadly poison that blackens the heart, making us having difficulty to forgive other mankind. I am teaching myself this hard task still... and I am asking all of you to forgive all my wrong doings that conjure up via my tone of writings in this blog, or my tone of voice in our meetings...

May Allah make us a better mankind and bless us all... ameen...


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