As I struggle through this difficult period with hope to see an improvement with my quality of life, I cannot help but think, during this Pinktober with ads on the television and Internet, that we really need more research for metastatic breast cancer. All I can think of is whether we have more options for me at this point, and I obstinately try to avoid thinking about what it all means and the inevitable.
Yet, all the celebrating that we see on Facebook and Twitter from others who claim to have beat cancer are a bit depressing when you think you have been strong all your life and now you are dealing with something that is not ever anything you have prepared yourself in life to encounter. I mean, we train for success in our careers, our family life, our personal life, our athletics and other interests. No way does anything prepare us, however, for a catastrophic illness. The uncertainty and fear that come with it are beyond anything we could have imagined happening to us, especially at an age that we still expect to be accomplishing so much in life with our careers and other parts of our lives.
Most of the time I am able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. Yet, days that are filled with discomfort and weakness make that difficult, so I distract myself with whatever means that lends itself comforting at the time. All I know is that I hate this disease more than I care to share and often wish that it were a dream from which I will awake.
By the way, thank you to the peanut gallery. I am drinking my water.