I was acupunctured for the first time today. Uh oh, I forgot I've been punctured before. I must be catching the forgetfulness of the acupuncturist. Such as: I tell her I've had acupuncture before, in the mid-1990s, for asthma and anxiety, and it worked only on a headache I happened to have one day. What worked most of all was when the MD/acupuncturist prescribed Prozac. I tell her I have asthma. I tell her I'm starting chemo on Monday. She asks: Do you ever have a cough? Are you ever short of breath? Asthma, I remind her. You haven't had acupuncture before, have you? She asks if I'm starting chemo Saturday, then later when I say my hair is going to fall out she says, Why? Complain, complain, complain. That's all Cancer Bitch does. Why did I stay? I was there, I wanted acupuncture for my cold so I'd be ready for chemo on Monday, she was part of Fancy Hospital. She was part of a secret part of Fancy Hospital, listed in the pink chemo binder under Resources. She was the nurse/acupuncturist in integrative health care. When I'd asked someone in oncology if acupuncture was available, she'd said no. So this is hush-hush, in the big old building where The Plastic Surgeon to the Stars was temporarily ensconced. The outside of the rooms are stenciled with words such as Serenity, Celestial, Abundance, Peace. There's a waterfall in the waiting room. But this is not affiliated with my insurance because acupuncture isn't covered usually covered, the woman at the desk says. If I met with an internist it would be covered but the doctors are just regular internists, she says. Nothing makes sense. This nurse is equipped to prescribe Chinese herbs, but not vitamins. She doesn't do massage; the chiropractors have that covered. The naturopaths do the nutrition and supplements and vitamins. OK, Cancer Bitch, you went to the MD/acupuncturist 12 years ago, she of the Chinese herbs and supplements and diet, and she did nothing for you. But why does everything have to be so balkanized? Why is each specialist separated from the other, and why do the oncologists barely respond, this nurse says, when she sends an email and says she's given a patient of theirs treatment? And why is this nurse saying I might have parasites? That this treatment will get the eggs out? There's no trouble with my bowel but everything begins with the bowel and these needles will get rid of parasites. She can't seem to explain why she thinks I might have parasites. Does everyone have them? I came here because it seemed to be too much trouble to go to the nearby suburb for what *may* be integrative, coordinated care, but I'm having doubts. So of course I make an appointment for next week. With this same nurse-acupuncturist.