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Hi, my name is Beth and I'm a SLACKER!!!

Posted Sep 10 2012 9:14pm
Wow, I can't believe it has been 10 months since I've last updated my blog! I'm sorry for being such a slacker. I understand that is an extremely long time to go MIA and leave you hanging, but it happens sometimes. I'll try to catch you up the best I can and not let it happen again.

When I last posted, I was getting ready to go for my second tattooing. Well, I ended up needing a total of 3 tattoo sessions before everything matched, but I am now very happy with my results. My aesthetician did an amazing job.

My third tattooing was closely followed by the revision of my back scar, which also went well. It was an easy, breezy surgery and recovery that required zero drains. Anyone who knows me, knows that drains are a big deal for me. After having complications in previous surgeries and requiring those evil, little things way longer than normal, I think I am slightly traumatized. Seriously, the very first thing that I ask when I wake up in recovery is "Do I have any drains?" I believe I even argued with a nurse once in my groggy, confused state that she was mistaken and even though she told me I didn't have any drains and I really didn't, she was wrong and I know I have a drain! Turns out, it was just a cord going to my blood pressure cuff or something that I confused for a drain!! lol I told you, I HATE drains!!! But like I said, I came out of that surgery with no drains, which was a nice way to end my reconstruction journey on a positive note.

Did you catch what I said?!

MY RECONSTRUCTION IS DONE!!!!

Well, unless something comes up or I decide to have some kind of revision in the future, but for now, I AM DONE!!!!

My plastic surgeon did an excellent job and I have great results that I am extremely happy with, but it is still going to take some time to finish healing emotionally. It has been hard for me to embrace the fact that my body is never going to be the same.

I am forever going to be scarred, front and back.

Don't get me wrong, most days I am okay. Some days, I even forget that I had cancer, which I never thought would happen. But there are other days that I need reminded that because I have those scars, I am alive. It's a process, apparently a long one, but enough of that. Let's get back to my updating.

When I last posted I had announced that my sister was going to have a baby. As it turned out, she went to her first OB appointment and found out that her baby had died. We were all so devastated. Even though she wasn't very far along, we loved that baby already. We take comfort in the fact that we will some day get to meet him or her in heaven, but it still hurts. The fact that our loves ones are in a better place than we are, doesn't make us stop missing them.

Aunt Beth loves you baby bean. xoxo

Since I've last updated I have also lost many more of my breast cancer sisters. One of the hardest for me was losing my dear friend, Marie. I had the opportunity to really get to know her at the LBBC conferences in Philly and then we stayed in touch via the computer and phone calls. She was such an amazing woman, a true gem, and one of a kind. She had lived through so much pain and heartache, but meeting her you would never know it. Cancer had taken all of her family, but yet she never once felt sorry for herself.

Marie had something called Li-Fraumeni syndrome , which is a rare disorder that is hereditary and greatly increases the risk of developing several types of cancer, particularly in children and young adults. She battled breast cancer, only to turn around and be diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

I can still remember her phone call. She was letting me know that she was thinking about my kids and I, hoping we were all doing well, and then kinda as an after thought mentioned what her diagnosis was. Who does that?! The answer is Marie. Marie did that. When anyone else probably would've been a blubbering mess, she simply asked that I please pray for her. She always put others above herself and I am truly changed because I knew her.

A mutual friend, Carrie and I went to her viewing that was held in New York, so we could say our final goodbyes. That was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. She was so young and newly married. She should've had many more years to live. I still can't believe she is gone.

Marie, I love you and miss you like crazy! xoxo, quack, quack!

This year's LBBC conference will be held in a few weeks and the closer it gets, the more my heart aches. I can't imagine being there and not getting to see Marie, Angie, and Catherine. These are all girls that I looked forward to seeing each year and last year's conference was the last time I got to see them, talk and laugh with them, and hug them. It won't be the same without them.

Marie

March 31, 1977 - December 19, 2011



Angie

(pictured in the middle)

January 16, 1980 - May 29, 2012



Catherine

March 31, 1981 - February 16, 2012



I miss you girls so much!

Now that I've thoroughly depressed everyone, I will leave you on a happy note. I am going to renew my CPR and take a RN refresher course. It is 120 hours of clinical and 60 hours of online lecture. Once I am done I will be on a mission to get a job and shut my husband up! lol Plus, I feel like that will be my way of sticking it to cancer. It has kept me from getting a job long enough. I am going to dust off my RN license, overcome my fears, and do this. Wish me luck. Class starts October 16th.

There are lots of other things that have happened in the time that I have been MIA, but I'll save it for next time. I hope everyone is doing well. I'll check in again soon.

xoxo
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