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He is not little anymore...

Posted May 16 2010 11:14pm

15 years ago, at this hour I was wheeled into the Operation Room after fighting for my life to try to bring my eldest son out into this world. The water had broken but the baby refused to go out.

I was admitted into the hospital 30 hours before as the water broke. The contraction started to get frequent and I had terribly warned my hubby from leaving my sight. i squeezed his hand and the hand of a nurse until it turned blue. The doctor and the nurses at Bluffton Community Hospital, Ohio asked me to control my breath and pushed the baby out. But the dilation went up to 7cm only.

It was when the baby's heart rate started to drop that the doctor became very concerned and my gyneacologist, Dr Stymertz was called in. An X-ray machine was brought into the labor room and they saw that the baby's head had tilted. The concerned peak and I was rushed into the labor room. My hubby was ushered into the OR too.

I was very much awake, feeling very cold and trying to digest what was happening to me. My bone marrow was injected a few times with epidural so I lost my nerve waist down but I was still conscious. I tried a conversation with MH asking him what is the doctor doing as I felt like someone drawing something on my tummy. It was not drawing though, it was an incision made for the C-Section.

Not long after that I heard a loud cry and saw the nurses brought one big baby to a corner. Oh! That's my baby... so big..curling in my tummy... I was slurring to MH and tears welled and streamed at the corners of my eyes. He weighed 4.15kg, the darkest and loudest baby in the whole Bluffton Community Hospital. The baby that we named Adam Zachary and the doctor said: It sure took us A to Z to bring you out little, man!

That was the journey of bringing my baby out into the world. The beginning and the never forgotten one. Raising him alone without any family members in the USA was quite a task. No matter how MH kept on telling me that he was not ready to become a dad, he did perform his task and duties of changing the diapers, waking up at night to feed the baby, to cuddle him, to rock him when he needed to be spoilt as I went to the classes.

That was 15 years ago. Now, this baby of mine seldom like to see me hug me unnecessarily. He has grown taller. He has become so concerned with his appearance or the many pimples that start peeping out from his forehead and cheeks. His voice has become huskier, a sign that he is now becoming a growing man.

Happy Birthday Adam... I see you grow in front of my eyes and to be able to enjoy today - your 15th birthday is indeed a blessed one. Mummy still remember the moments you kicked in my tummy. Mummy still remember reading the Qur'an to you aloud so you become familiar with it. Mummy still remember taking you around the park and talk to you about the hard life in a foreign land, about missing all family members back home in Malaysia and how impatient we became to introduce you to the rest of the family.

When Mummy was diagnosed with breast cancer, you were only 8 years old and how it changed your character. From the bubbly and perky child to an introvert son. You watched me being so sick with the chemo. You wanted to reach me but you felt so helpless and I saw it in your eyes. Mummy felt sorry that you had to undergo all those. The fact that many of your childhood moments were traded with looking after me being sick was something that can still make me cry. I am so sorry you lost your childhood moments, not having a chance to play outside the house, to help clean or serve me. What you endure, had made you mature earlier. You got tensed with the expectation. You at times hurled the frustration out. Your studies got affected badly. I am so sorry my son....

I am blessed to have you. Never mind that you have never been a smarter kid in your class. To me and daddy you are our gem. You are an amanah from God. Mummy and daddy are blessed. When Mummy can hear you reciting the Qur'an after the prayer, Mummy feels so serene. When Mummy sees you help you little brother, Mummy feels the joy. When Mummy sees you help daddy with house chores, Mummy feels so, so blessed not it is still with some guilt that Mummy can't contribute much.

Be a good man, my son. Be a good Moslem and help adik improvise his duties to God. Your journey is still long. Enjoy each day with gratitude that whatever you have today, you may not have it tomorrow. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, like I am your best friend. Thank you for running to me when you need a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for telling me what is in your heart in your special way. You seldom express but you do share. Thank you for making Mummy's life more colourful from the day you were born.

Apart from marrying daddy, and having adik around, You are the best thing that ever happens to me because you are my eldest son.

May you always be protected and loved by God with His rahmah along your life. May you shine in your endeavours and be a better person in your life... ameen.

Adam you are not little anymore, but you are always a baby to Mummy!

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