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Flying by the Seat of My Pants

Posted Jan 14 2010 9:01pm
I'm enrolled in College Math Problem Solving, College Composition, Psychology, and two introductory courses that new students have to take. Tim keeps telling me that I'll breeze through it. I don't know. It would be nice to think so, but I won't know until it begins. On Wednesday. Five more days. Only. Five. More. Days. ACK! It's kind of nerve wracking, this college stuff, because I'm jumping into it with both feet. It's all moving quickly. For instance, I'm starting school and not sure how the finances will unfold. And books! They are expensive. I saved about half purchasing them online instead of at the campus book store, But still, I spent $108. on books! Last night in bed, a horrifying thought occurred to me. "Tim," I whispered. "What if I buy all these books and then Wednesday I get bad results on my mammogram?" And calmly, Tim whispered back, "The books can be resold." Good answer.

I went to the college today, and I got my college schedule. I also went to my new job, to resolve some scheduling issues, and to give my new boss my school schedule. I ran a bunch of errands, stopped by the library. By the time that I got home, there was a phone call telling me that one of my classes had been canceled. Despite the initial heart failure on my part, they were able to get me into another class that fit into my schedule so that I did not have to go back to my job and give them a change to my schedule.

I guess this is what it called 'flying by the seat of your pants'. I've never done that before. I've always been a thinker and a planner, and a 'dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's' type girl. I think that maybe, when I was younger, I was more inclined to leap off into the unknown, but when life bites you (and bites you hard), you begin to play it safe. You stop taking chances. You find great security in safety. I think that is what happened to me, and I never even realized it. So I'm flying by the seat of my pants, and I'm scared to death.

But also today, while I was in the college bookstore, a nice young man from London helped me with ISBNs. He looked at my schedule and said, "Your Psych teacher is a rotten one." He got a B+, but he was one of the few. "Take lots of notes," he advised. I nodded. I wanted to ask him how someone from London wound up in a little community college on the New York/Pennsylvania border, but I was too shy to. He was being awfully nice to a gray headed old woman, and I didn't want to press my luck. And then at a college office, I explained a difficulty, and a woman there helped me out. When she finished talking with me, I said, "Thank you so much. I was ashamed to ask, I mean the professor doesn't know me from Adam, and I didn't want her to think I was some slouch..." And the woman gave me a long look. "That's right," she said. "The teacher does not know you from Adam now, but she will, and she will be impressed with you." I looked at her, startled, and she steadily looked right back. All I could think of to say was 'thanks', once again, and I was off. When I popped in with my school schedule for work, Helga saw me, stopped what she was doing, screamed, and headed for me with her arms wide open. "I couldn't believe it when Nancy told me that Angie was going to hire you!" And she started introducing me around while I waited for the boss to finish what she was doing.

I drove home after a long and exhausting day of running. The radio was playing, and I sang along with Sheryl Crowe.

Today, I felt something I haven't felt in a long time. It was exhilaration. Man. I almost didn't recognize it.
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