I have reached the crucial point in my treatment when I begin to question the outcome, success rate and will I be OK...?
Will I be OK is the biggie for me. I have 2 chemo's left. Have I gone through this torture for nothing, killing off all my good cells at the same time combating the bad ones...?
I have to believe that it will be the outcome I'm looking for.
Do we ever get to that point when we are not looking over our shoulders hoping that cancer is not stalking us?
The time I spent in the hospital really allowed me to pause & reflect. Here I was going up and down the hallways pushing my IV wandering the halls at strange times even when I couldn't sleep I was walking.
During the conversation with the Oncology Social worker a couple of days ago she commented that the nurses made note I was always walking.
By walking it means I still have the stamina more so control to get through the rest of this crap. I hate the idea of Chemo on Wed. I'm pissed at my Dr for telling me we should just finish it. I have just spent eight days on the Palliative Oncology Ward..... six of those days with a zero white count....the week before that in bed curled up like a rag doll in pain that I could barely breathe
My whole body has changed significantly. I lost my eyelashes so why can't he cut me some slack, give me a bloody week off, not put me through these hellish experiences
But he is right!! As long as I am walking, I can still put one foot in front of the other then we get it over with....I want it over as much as I'm sure he does too....I want to find a place that is "Cancer Free" A place where cancer does not exist....."What a concept"!!
|
Will I be OK is the biggie for me. I have 2 chemo's left. Have I gone through this torture for nothing, killing off all my good cells at the same time combating the bad ones...?
I have to believe that it will be the outcome I'm looking for.
Do we ever get to that point when we are not looking over our shoulders hoping that cancer is not stalking us?
The time I spent in the hospital really allowed me to pause & reflect. Here I was going up and down the hallways pushing my IV wandering the halls at strange times even when I couldn't sleep I was walking.
During the conversation with the Oncology Social worker a couple of days ago she commented that the nurses made note I was always walking.
By walking it means I still have the stamina more so control to get through the rest of this crap. I hate the idea of Chemo on Wed. I'm pissed at my Dr for telling me we should just finish it. I have just spent eight days on the Palliative Oncology Ward..... six of those days with a zero white count....the week before that in bed curled up like a rag doll in pain that I could barely breathe
My whole body has changed significantly. I lost my eyelashes so why can't he cut me some slack, give me a bloody week off, not put me through these hellish experiences
But he is right!! As long as I am walking, I can still put one foot in front of the other then we get it over with....I want it over as much as I'm sure he does too....I want to find a place that is "Cancer Free" A place where cancer does not exist....."What a concept"!!