Those of you who regularly read this blog have surely noticed that I have not been posting as frequently as usual. I'd like to apologize and explain.
Four years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the worst day of my life. I was 38 years old, sure that I was going to die and that my children would not remember me. I went through months and months of treatment and since March of 2007 there has been no sign of cancer.
In April of 2008 I started blogging about cancer. Unlike most of the people I had met, I had great difficulty resuming regular life after my treatment was complete. I had developed some late side effects and was actually seeing more doctors and receiving more treatments after my cancer treatment was over then when I was getting chemo and radiation!
Over the last two years there have been people talking about what happens after treatment. Survivorship is an area of focus for some researchers and cancer centers are beginning to get it. Books are beibg published and the closet that some of us have been shoved into is beginning to open. People are actually talking to each other about how hard this disease can be.
Right now I have two colleagues who are dealing with cancer, stage IIIC Ovarian and Stage 4 Breast respectively. A local musician I know is dealing with multiple myeloma that has not responded to bone marrow treatment. A friend has recently been diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer and is scheduling surgery. Even the little chorus that I sing with that was with me all throughout treatment has been invaded by cancer.
As a blogger I use a reader service. I've been dreading opening up the reader because it's all cancer all the time. Occasionally it's good news but more often than not it is contradictory research or research that says my grandmother's diet was responsible for my breast cancer. (I swear it's true, you can read about it here .)
Over Easter we surprised the kids and took them to Disney World for the weekend (when the airline tickets are $29.99 how can you not?!?!?) and the theme going throughout the parks was Celebrate Today. I remember standing there several times during the trip and realizing that I was doing something that I didn't think would be possible four years ago. I was taking my 5 and 9 year old to Disney for the first time. In 2006 I was convinced that I was going to die. Now, more than ever, and at the risk of jinxing myself, I believe that I'm going to live.
So I need to take a break. I'm not going away forever and I am sure that I will still do some posting but less frequently. I could never have gotten to this place without the support and camaraderie of many of you reading this right now. But I am going to do some work on a new project with an old friend and honestly try to be better about celebrating today with my kids and my patient husband. I'm going to take a friend to lunch and see if I can go through a day without thinking about cancer.
A day without thinking about cancer, I can't remember the last one of those I had.