.jpg)
I have been unable to update the blog for a couple of reasons. The health is number one and the broadband's failure is number two. When the knuckles are mildly in pain and I feel the urge to do the updating, it is the broadband that is not cooperating. To cajole myself, I give a thinking out loud that God has not permitted me to do the updating. Today is Jumaah Berkah in Ramadhan month so it is double or maybe triple berkah... I hope the entry today is meant to be shared by many.
My life has been upside down. In the literal term, I have my sleeping upside down trying to find a comfortable position as the back pain torments my ability to lie on one position at a longer time. One time I curl, another time I lie on my right side, another moment I turn to the left and the process continues until finally I decided to get up and console myself with some recitation and prayers. It has been like that these few days. The fingers are still very, very tight and they have started to look bruised, purplish dotts have started to appear on my palms as if I just soak my hands in a bowl of ink.... Do I look trouble with all this chemo side effects? No, not at all. The head is swirling and spinning making my house looks like a carousel switched on.
This is the third time I battle the recurrence of cancer in my body with the chemo treatment and being tortured in its pain like having a swirling head and the unexplained pains in your body somewhere in the muscle, in the joints, in the flesh come as part and parcel of it. I am never emotionally affected with the loss of hair and eyebrows and eye lashes as I know they will grow back but very much emotionally bruised with the pain side effects because I really don't like myself being so fragile and having difficulty to move around... by the way, who likes to be in pain, right?
However, it is the pains that make me teach my mind to source for some strength and I learn to focus in the recitation of supplication and sometimes in the crying while reading Yaasin and all the surah I compiled for curing the cancer, there is always a serenity that I gather afterwards. The pains have not broken my spirit for survival but they mould it to be stronger and battling this cancer has never been about me going to die anymore despite the statistics or whatever term they may have for my life span here...
This battle is about the realization that when God gives us this test and tribulation, what do we do with our life? Do we surrender to the pain and let it take our spirit away and thus let our life die slowly, ergo making it meaningless or do we do other wise? When we want the otherwise answer, we need to realize that our life has been planned by God. Charted and destinied. We need Him to help us. We need Him to forgive us as in His forgiveness and in teaching ourselves about seeking and making forgiveness, He gives us inner tranquility that can make us hold the bolders of tests on oyr shoulders.
The recitation of Wa illa Allahi tur jaul umur means it is to Allah that we surrender all matters. Everytime I feel so stucked in the corner of the tormenting pains, I recite that with Laa hawla wala quwata illah billah... and in its magic, I am calmed and feel so much at peace. Even though the pain doesn't ease me physically, the inner me is serene and that is giving me a booster that I can lead a happy life even though my knuckles are in pain and my back is vain. Indeed, Allah works in His mysterious ways.
To battle cancer is like being in a war that we can't see the enemies. We know where they are but we don't see their physical form and how they move to conquer our body. So we need a positive mind with stronger spiritual and emotional innerself to help the weakened body. Positive mindset is one thing as simple as think happy thought or think and visualise the weakened body get stronger. Visualisation of the cancer cells being vanished and vaporised into the air is good to teach the mind of the good things we want to happen.
To have a stronger spiritual innerself, we need to believe and seek and always beseech God's help in assisting us to ward off our enemies. This battle is never about the cruelty of Our Creator to us. Is is more about His deep love and mercy. We can't just ask those things to come by without us working hard for it. We need to be closer to God, to feel His deep serene love and mercy. We need to do that to be able to feel that we are embraced by all of those. As the innerself is at peace we are able to put a smile on our face gunuinely not as a brave front anymore....
To all having issues like me, let us feel the greatness of the blessed month Ramadhan with all efforts being continued and let us surrender more to Allah so that He gives us a way out in the battle and with His aid, the cancers are all killed and we are cured. As long as we breathe on this earth we shall not give up life because God hates those who give up life easily as He tests us with many forms of tribulations. As we are human, we may at times feel so demotivated that all our efforts are not working well... when it happens go back to Surah AlBaqarah 216 that means fighting is prescribed upon you and you dislike it but it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows and you know not. (Tafsir Abdullah Yussoof Ali)
Yesterday I felt so immobile but today I am humbly thanking Allah because I feel very much better. The text to my SIL who plans to have Eidul Fitr with us boosts my spirit to look forward to many more things I want to share with my niece and nephew.
These few days are the much sought after days in Ramadhan, the Lailatul Qadr. May we all be fated to experience and savour the bless of the much awaited nights.
God bless and thank you for the unwavering support sent in the comments columns, facebooks and text messages.
Signing off with love loaded with prayers to all of you my brothers and sisters.
Bounced and posted by Raden Galoh
I have been unable to update the blog for a couple of reasons. The health is number one and the broadband's failure is number two. When the knuckles are mildly in pain and I feel the urge to do the updating, it is the broadband that is not cooperating. To cajole myself, I give a thinking out loud that God has not permitted me to do the updating. Today is Jumaah Berkah in Ramadhan month so it is double or maybe triple berkah... I hope the entry today is meant to be shared by many.
My life has been upside down. In the literal term, I have my sleeping upside down trying to find a comfortable position as the back pain torments my ability to lie on one position at a longer time. One time I curl, another time I lie on my right side, another moment I turn to the left and the process continues until finally I decided to get up and console myself with some recitation and prayers. It has been like that these few days. The fingers are still very, very tight and they have started to look bruised, purplish dotts have started to appear on my palms as if I just soak my hands in a bowl of ink.... Do I look trouble with all this chemo side effects? No, not at all. The head is swirling and spinning making my house looks like a carousel switched on.
This is the third time I battle the recurrence of cancer in my body with the chemo treatment and being tortured in its pain like having a swirling head and the unexplained pains in your body somewhere in the muscle, in the joints, in the flesh come as part and parcel of it. I am never emotionally affected with the loss of hair and eyebrows and eye lashes as I know they will grow back but very much emotionally bruised with the pain side effects because I really don't like myself being so fragile and having difficulty to move around... by the way, who likes to be in pain, right?
However, it is the pains that make me teach my mind to source for some strength and I learn to focus in the recitation of supplication and sometimes in the crying while reading Yaasin and all the surah I compiled for curing the cancer, there is always a serenity that I gather afterwards. The pains have not broken my spirit for survival but they mould it to be stronger and battling this cancer has never been about me going to die anymore despite the statistics or whatever term they may have for my life span here...
This battle is about the realization that when God gives us this test and tribulation, what do we do with our life? Do we surrender to the pain and let it take our spirit away and thus let our life die slowly, ergo making it meaningless or do we do other wise? When we want the otherwise answer, we need to realize that our life has been planned by God. Charted and destinied. We need Him to help us. We need Him to forgive us as in His forgiveness and in teaching ourselves about seeking and making forgiveness, He gives us inner tranquility that can make us hold the bolders of tests on oyr shoulders.
The recitation of Wa illa Allahi tur jaul umur means it is to Allah that we surrender all matters. Everytime I feel so stucked in the corner of the tormenting pains, I recite that with Laa hawla wala quwata illah billah... and in its magic, I am calmed and feel so much at peace. Even though the pain doesn't ease me physically, the inner me is serene and that is giving me a booster that I can lead a happy life even though my knuckles are in pain and my back is vain. Indeed, Allah works in His mysterious ways.
To battle cancer is like being in a war that we can't see the enemies. We know where they are but we don't see their physical form and how they move to conquer our body. So we need a positive mind with stronger spiritual and emotional innerself to help the weakened body. Positive mindset is one thing as simple as think happy thought or think and visualise the weakened body get stronger. Visualisation of the cancer cells being vanished and vaporised into the air is good to teach the mind of the good things we want to happen.
To have a stronger spiritual innerself, we need to believe and seek and always beseech God's help in assisting us to ward off our enemies. This battle is never about the cruelty of Our Creator to us. Is is more about His deep love and mercy. We can't just ask those things to come by without us working hard for it. We need to be closer to God, to feel His deep serene love and mercy. We need to do that to be able to feel that we are embraced by all of those. As the innerself is at peace we are able to put a smile on our face gunuinely not as a brave front anymore....
To all having issues like me, let us feel the greatness of the blessed month Ramadhan with all efforts being continued and let us surrender more to Allah so that He gives us a way out in the battle and with His aid, the cancers are all killed and we are cured. As long as we breathe on this earth we shall not give up life because God hates those who give up life easily as He tests us with many forms of tribulations. As we are human, we may at times feel so demotivated that all our efforts are not working well... when it happens go back to Surah AlBaqarah 216 that means fighting is prescribed upon you and you dislike it but it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows and you know not. (Tafsir Abdullah Yussoof Ali)
Yesterday I felt so immobile but today I am humbly thanking Allah because I feel very much better. The text to my SIL who plans to have Eidul Fitr with us boosts my spirit to look forward to many more things I want to share with my niece and nephew.
These few days are the much sought after days in Ramadhan, the Lailatul Qadr. May we all be fated to experience and savour the bless of the much awaited nights.
God bless and thank you for the unwavering support sent in the comments columns, facebooks and text messages.
Signing off with love loaded with prayers to all of you my brothers and sisters.