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Apology for an Apology.

Posted Aug 30 2010 2:54am
Okay. An apology is due for the apology. (My! These things do get very complicated sometimes, don't they?) Margie? I am very sorry for assigning you the wrong heritage. Margie (Bill's wife) is Apache. Bill's daughter in law, Lavina is Navajo, which makes, as Bill pointed out, his two cute grandsons, Kalib and Jobe, Navajo as well.

And no, I wasn't upset to be challenged on this, Bill. Your words were gracious and frank. They carried no sting. I tried to be clear that you were right. It was a thoughtless reporting of a thoughtless remark. It did have the ability to hurt someone's feelings. I had a chance to go back and delete the remark, but that seemed to be blatently wrong, like denying that you've said something that you've said. I know lots of folks who do that. Constantly. Yet they'll read this blog, take exception to something, and begin to complain. "Yes," they say, "but your blog says..." Yes. Yes, it does, and I stand behind what I say. The interesting thing is that they seem to feel that the spoken word is something that can be disregarded. They seem to feel that because I speak with written words I am to be held to a higher standard than they are, because they only say their words. Nope. Words are words, written, or spoken. If you have used your words unkindly, don't be surprised to find that those words have hurt someone. Furthermore, if that person is a writing sort of person, don't be surprised to find their reaction to your words written down someplace. The pain felt reading my words is no more or no less than I felt hearing yours.

Still, if I have done something wrong, I like to be clear about that. This particular comment was made in a careless, non-malicious way. However, malice could be read into it. I chose not to delete the words (in effect, deny their existance), because these words, and others like them are uttered every day, in careless ways, maliciously or not. We need to think about the words we use. Whether we say them, whether we write them.

Oh, and Bill? I took no offense. Your remarks were valid and you were right to call my attention to it. Again, thank you. My regards to you and yours.

Well, today is the day for the 'thing' with the professional photographer at college. I am dreading it, being a person who is not comfortable with her looks. When they asked for my words, I was happy to give them some, however, now they want pictures. Ack.

Oh, and something I wanted to report about the Friday Weigh-Ins. Oy. I gotten out of the habit of reporting the loss, because for a time, I got tangled up in the trauma that is Anatomy and Physiology, and I began to comfort myself with food. I gained some poundage, and then had to lose that again. A couple weeks back, I'd lost back down to where I was when I left off on the Friday Weigh-Ins. I was ready to resume the program. Unfortunately, I have a mind like a sieve, and keep forgetting to do so. (Don't hesitate to bring these lapses to my attention, people.) The fact is, I have continued to lose weight each week. In fact, this week, I am teetering on the edge of the 20 pound mark. By the end of the week, I should have reached it (surpassed it, even.) My goal was to lose 25 pounds for the year, and then re-evaluate. I'm not quite there yet, but I am thinking to make another goal to lose an additional 10 pounds.

I've noticed that when I am productive and happy, I don't think so much about the weight. Or eating. I am more active, naturally. I find it easier to say no to things that I should say no to. Yesterday, when I was getting ready for church, I saw a dress hanging in the closet. It was just a sundress, a long one that I'd picked up at the Goodwill at the end of the summer last year. I'd gotten it because it was brand new, with the extra buttons still attached to the tag in their little plastic bag. When I got it home, though, I was not pleased with how it fit, and so it hung in my closet. I got it out yesterday and put it on, and it fit nicely, much to my surprise. Because losing weight had not been my whole focus (hey! I've been busy!), these little milestones are an unexpected 'perk'.

I'll try to remember to post the Friday Weigh-Ins. Feel free to nag me if I don't. I'll try to think harder about how my words could be misused. Feel free to comment if I don't.
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