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Whether to Wait or Try

Posted Aug 24 2008 5:21pm
Rachel asked if we were going to try again soon, leave it in God's hands, prevent Sams #3 for the time being.

It's subject that weighs heavily on my mind, and Matt's too - in a different way. While I want more children,k I can't handle it right now. I am not one of those moms (there are some) who are willing to try again right away. I wish Oceana had a sibling to grow up with - close to her age. But, I'm not going to push myself to go in that direction before I'm ready. I have a feeling I'll be ready before Matt will be. Matt always takes longer to get used to an idea - he always has. And I don't think this will be any exception.

With that said, we are preventing presently. Joshua's condition is/was scary. It's not as though I got a fever and that caused his conditon, or I ate something wrong or was exposed to something caustic. Joshua's condition was a fluke. And it makes it scary to try again because there's no "preventing". Yes, folic acid (folate) makes a difference... sometimes. It can't "PREVENT" neural tube defects - it only lowers the risks. And unfortunately for me, the risks of having another child with an encephalocele multiplied by ten the moment we had Joshua. Your risks of having a child like Joshua are .1%. Now mine is 1%. That may seem small to you, but imagine walking through it twice.

And having learned so much about birth defects and conditions like Trisomy 13, 18, 21 (Down Syndrome), omphaloceles, encephaloceles, spina bifida, anencephaly, hydrocephaly, cleft palate/lip, amniotic band syndrome....

I'm terrified. Not that I wouldn't walk through it again - but I don't want to.

It's not an unhealthy fear. It's a realistic fear. And until Matt and I are of sound mind and feeling stable in and of ourselves - I'm not going down that road.

We can't leave it up to chance, because I need to take folic acid on a double dose for 3 months prior to conceiving. Since we didn't plan (and were doing a bad job of "preventing" when we conceived) Joshua or Oceana, we're making a concerted effort to wait.

That said, please don't leave me your opinions on my reproductive choices. Questions are fine, but not judgments.

Thank you Rachel for asking.
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