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Trying To Find Motivation

Posted Aug 26 2010 10:37pm
Haven't been motivated to do anything but facebook and watch tv lately.  I've been trying to find work online to no avail, and I have been stressing about bills and rent.  A friend from the brain tumor support group loaned me some money to help with rent and I got $300 for my birthday, but I am still going to have a tough time paying the bills.  Gotta start selling stuff.  Cashed in most of the points from the different survey companies I do surveys for, thats how I was able to go to the movies on my birthday, I got movie passes.  Saw Scott Pilgram VS the World and loved it!  I t was so much fun!  I also saw Pirhana in 3D and Eat, Pray, Love. 

But that was on my birthday, a couple friends threw me a birthday party on Saturday.  We invited 40+ people and out of that there were 10 of us there.  4 of my friends, the two friends that threw the party, two of their friends, me and my friend's kid.  I had fun though.  Many people went out of town.  I did appreciate the people who gave me notice that they couldn't make it, but the people who didn't even acknowledge the invite can kiss my ass!  I have been fretting about this birthday for months, it was my 40th.  I'm glad its over.

I promised a friend that I would go see a doc tomorrow.  I need to check out the county facilities and see how long its going to take to see a doc and get an mri and possibly get a prescription for pain meds.  I made a mistake when I asked my GP doc to send me a script.  I told him 5mg of Norco and I should have said 10mg, that way I could break it in half and it would last longer.  I have been trying to use half of the 5mg, but not always enough.  I also need to go check out about getting food stamps and possibly welfare.  I just did the prescreening tool online to see if I qualify to receive welfare and it is likely that I do.

My head hurts right now. I keep getting headaches that cause my eyes to water and my stomach to hurt.  I have been  getting bad headaches in the mornings  too, on my right side, where my old tumors were, where they are supposed to be shrinking.  I have been eating a lot of sugar lately, leftover birthday cake.  Thought about throwing it away but I'm broke and I don't want to waste the food because I can't afford to buy groceries!  My friend did take me to costco and bought me some groceries for my birthday though, that was cool.  I am trying to drink lots of water to flush out the sugar.  I am totally bloated and uncomfortable!  This certainly is no way to live.  I would really like my life back, if I could get it back I would appreciate it way more than I did before!  I am very upset that I wasted most of my life being bitter and disappointed with everything instead of enjoying what life had to offer, because now I have nothing to enjoy.  I would totally do things different.


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