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Then again… not being smart about my energy levels

Posted Nov 04 2009 10:04pm

One of the persistent issues with this recovery business, is how good days can very easily lead to bad ones.

Example:

I am having a banner week. The job situation is improving vastly. I mean, vastly. I am actually in a position to take my work to the next level, and move into a better pay bracket. I’m going to be starting a new position doing something I’ve been wanting to do, literally, for years, but never had the nerve to start.  Now I have the nerve. And I’ve been offered the opportunity.

Dude, I’m so totally going for it.

Also, I’ve had some other opportunities come up around some freelance creative work I do. I’m in the running for a contest that will showcase some of my best work to date. Even if I manage to show, not place, I’ll get some good exposure, and I’m totally stoked about the opportunity.

I’m also having company this weekend, with some of my favorite relatives coming to visit. We’re cleaning and prepping the house so it looks nice — and is nice. We’re planning to spend time driving around “leaf peeping” at the fall foliage, which is just gorgeous this year.

And I have been able to read again! I’m so excited. I had checked The Bourne Identity out of the library, to see if reading action adventure would help my attention and reading abilities, and — wonder of wonders — I was able to read four chapters in one sitting. And I got it. (I think.) At least, I didn’t have to keep backing up every few pages to see what I had read earlier. That is huge progress for me. In the past five years since my latest accident/injury, I have had a hell of a time reading and comprehending what I was seeing on the page in front of me.

So, there’s lots of great stuff going on. Only problem is, I have a hard time knowing when to stop. Knowing when to say when has never been my forte, but this week, especially, when so much good is happening, I’ve pushed myself to the brink of nervous collapse. I mean, things have been falling together so well. I’ve been feeling awesome, thanks to my daily exercise first thing in the  a.m., and I want to just soak up every last bit of normal-feeling-exhilaration I can get. It’s been so looooong since I felt this good, and now that I do, I’m reveling in it like nobody’s business…

To the point of full-blown anxiety attacks. I had a little one last night, and then overnight, I had another one at 3 a.m., that woke me and my spouse up and totally screwed up our night’s sleep. Plus, now I feel that sick, shaky post-anxiety-attack “hangover” that totally knocks me out. All that progress, and I go and blow my wad for the fun of it. :(

I so hate when I do this. I feel sick and depleted and deficient, and the worst thing is how I get so down on myself. I feel like a steaming piece of  crap, and it makes me nuts. I need to talk to my neuropsych about it. I’m going to be seeing them tomorrow to go over my progress and whatnot, and I need to discuss this with them, so I can come up with some decent tactics and strategies for not killing my buzz.

So, while some days I can figure this stuff out and be smart about it, as you can see, it’s all too easy for me to screw the pooch by overdoing it. Overstimulation is overstimulation, whether it’s good or bad. Too much of a good thing is … a bad thing.

One of the persistent issues with this recovery business, is how good days can very easily lead to bad ones.

Example:

I am having a banner week. The job situation is improving vastly. I mean, vastly. I am actually in a position to take my work to the next level, and move into a better pay bracket. I’m going to be starting a new position doing something I’ve been wanting to do, literally, for years, but never had the nerve to start.  Now I have the nerve. And I’ve been offered the opportunity.

Dude, I’m so totally going for it.

Also, I’ve had some other opportunities come up around some freelance creative work I do. I’m in the running for a contest that will showcase some of my best work to date. Even if I manage to show, not place, I’ll get some good exposure, and I’m totally stoked about the opportunity.

I’m also having company this weekend, with some of my favorite relatives coming to visit. We’re cleaning and prepping the house so it looks nice — and is nice. We’re planning to spend time driving around “leaf peeping” at the fall foliage, which is just gorgeous this year.

And I have been able to read again! I’m so excited. I had checked The Bourne Identity out of the library, to see if reading action adventure would help my attention and reading abilities, and — wonder of wonders — I was able to read four chapters in one sitting. And I got it. (I think.) At least, I didn’t have to keep backing up every few pages to see what I had read earlier. That is huge progress for me. In the past five years since my latest accident/injury, I have had a hell of a time reading and comprehending what I was seeing on the page in front of me.

So, there’s lots of great stuff going on. Only problem is, I have a hard time knowing when to stop. Knowing when to say when has never been my forte, but this week, especially, when so much good is happening, I’ve pushed myself to the brink of nervous collapse. I mean, things have been falling together so well. I’ve been feeling awesome, thanks to my daily exercise first thing in the  a.m., and I want to just soak up every last bit of normal-feeling-exhilaration I can get. It’s been so looooong since I felt this good, and now that I do, I’m reveling in it like nobody’s business…

To the point of full-blown anxiety attacks. I had a little one last night, and then overnight, I had another one at 3 a.m., that woke me and my spouse up and totally screwed up our night’s sleep. Plus, now I feel that sick, shaky post-anxiety-attack “hangover” that totally knocks me out. All that progress, and I go and blow my wad for the fun of it. :(

I so hate when I do this. I feel sick and depleted and deficient, and the worst thing is how I get so down on myself. I feel like a steaming piece of  crap, and it makes me nuts. I need to talk to my neuropsych about it. I’m going to be seeing them tomorrow to go over my progress and whatnot, and I need to discuss this with them, so I can come up with some decent tactics and strategies for not killing my buzz.

So, while some days I can figure this stuff out and be smart about it, as you can see, it’s all too easy for me to screw the pooch by overdoing it. Overstimulation is overstimulation, whether it’s good or bad. Too much of a good thing is … a bad thing.

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