The Pain of Abandonment, Loneliness, Fear: The Pain of it All ...
Posted Nov 24 2010 2:11pm
When you feel the pain of abandonment, the pain of loneliness, the pain of fear, or any kind of pain, there's no doubt that you feel your life isn't worth much. You can't imagine being out of the pain, and you feel you can't go much more into the blackness.
All that is true and understandable, but there are other ways of looking at it, no matter what the reason for your pain is.
Happiness is a topic I talk and write about a lot. Doesn't have a great deal to do with the topic of today's post ...
But in fact it does.
The reason the pain and the happiness are connected, is because you have a way of going from the former to the latter. You can create a bridge that can take you from pain ...if not to happiness, then at least to a place where you can see you life as a good one again.
Some writers call it pivoting, or swiveling. Remember how you used to stand on your heels as a child? And then you would pivot about 180 degrees, so that at the end of the movement, you were facing a totally different direction? First you were looking at your house, then you pivoted, and then you were looking at the street.
This is the kind of inner movement that can take place when you need to put yourself in a place where you aren't hurting so much. Let's not pretend that there aren't times where you need to go through pain in order to get through to the other side. But in the same way a quadri-plegic is not always a quadri-plegic, when you are in pain, there is no reason for you to be in pain all the time.
(The reason a quadri-plegic is not always one, is because there are times when he is laughing, and has forgotten about his state, when he is eating and is not thinking about it, when he is conversing, or watching a movie, etc., and not consciously a quadri-plegic. Likewise, a person with terminal cancer, is not always a person with terminal cancer, because there are moments when other thoughts and activities take over the mind and feelings, despite the inevitability of the impending end.)
So what I'm suggesting here is that you begin to learn how to swivel. When something is not good, go from that place in your mind and feelings to another place. That might be imagining something that gives you pleasure or joy, or it might be remembering something that once gave you pleasure or joy. However you do it, it will change - for a time - your energetic frequency. And in the place of your new-found frequency, you can feel better.
Is that disloyalty? Disloyalty to your worries, your problem, your sense of abandonment, even your sense of eternal loss in the case of someone's death? Of course not. Are you being disloyal to your wound when you dress it, when you put salve on it, when you set the broken bones, when you stitch the cut flesh?
Comparisons of this nature offend some people. That's why I suggest you might want to consider some out-of-the-box thinking about this. It may be a challenge to do so, it may stretch you, but do you truly believe it is wrong to try to make yourself feel better when something is causing you pain or problems?
One final thought: don't you believe that once you feel better, you will find it just a bit harder to go back to the deep place of pain? And is that not good? Doesn't that mean the bone is knitting, the wound is healing?
Photo: Karoo National Park near Beaufort West, South Africa