Another Monday, another week. The weekend was pretty good, all things considered. I got a fair amount done, and I also had some time to just relax. Not much, but some.
I did a little reading about “ The Cognitive Control of Emotion ” by Ochsner and Gross, who say“Conflicts, failures, and losses at times seem to conspire to ruin us. Yet, as Marcus Aurelius observed nearly two millennia ago, we humans have an extraordinary capacity to regulate the emotions occasioned by such travails. Importantly, these regulatory efforts largely determine the impact such difficulties will have on our mental and physical well-being.”
They also include a good quote from Marcus Aurelius:If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Marcus Aurelius (Meditations) The rest of the paper is about fMRI results and neural mechanisms, most of which went over my head because I’ve been having trouble focusing and comprehending what I’m reading. I’ll have to go back and re-read it, because I believe there’s something in there I can use. But the thing that I took away from it, is that we actually can choose how we will experience and react to and emote over our circumstances, and the better we are at that, the better off we may be. Or course, this doesn’t speak to people being in just plain crappy living situations, but there is at least a little bit there that I can use. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about how bent out of shape I’ve been for the past month or so. It feels like a whole lot is piling up with me, and I haven’t been able to get out from under. Certainly, not getting enough sleep is not helping. I’m working at turning that around. It’s slow going, but at least I’m making the attempt. And I’ve been thinking about all the things that have gotten me worked up, bothered, troubled, anxious, etc. A lot of those things aren’t even that big a deal, on some people’s scale. But for me they are. And they seem to add up a whole lot faster than one would expect. It’s a little dispiriting, but that’s how it is. Everything adds up. Quickly. Even the little stuff. Especially the little stuff. I have a name for all those little things that “shouldn’t” bother me micro-traumas. Specifically, mtbi micro-traumas. They’re the little things that get under my skin and set me off because I’m tired and/or stressed and/or not paying attention. They’re the little things that “shouldn’t” happen because regularly functioning people don’t have these problems like waking up one morning and not being able to read or write as well as you could the day before… like forgetting so much stuff that if you don’t write it down, it might as well not even exist… like getting incredibly bent out of shape over developments at work that most people take in stride… like flipping out over dropping a spoon while you’re making your breakfast. Those little experiences, those tiny explosions, may not seem like a whole lot in and of themselves. But when they happen again and again and again, tens (even hundreds) of times a day, they add up. And they wear at you. It’s like a death by a thousand cuts. It’s not even the exact events themselves that constitute the explosions it’s the experience of those events, the biochemical bursts and blasts and ka-booms that take place out of sight of anyone else, that set you on edge and tear the living crap out of your interior. Isolated and not considered in light of the continuous whole, these explosions, these micro-traumas probably don’t look like much to the outside observer, but internally and over time, they add up. And they add up to cumulative trauma just like all those sub-concussive hits (from practices and full-on collision play) take down professional football players years later, the micro-traumas that bombard mtbi survivors day in and day out also take a toll. And it all adds up. This is coming back to the ANS balancing issue I talked about yesterday. And it also ties in with PTSD and resilience. I really believe that unaddressed TBI issues especially “mild” TBI issues lend themselves extremely well to creating an everyday “substrate” of stress and fight-flight orientation, which erodes our personal resilience and gradually over time in countless invisible ways pulls us down into a way of life that is hallmark PTSD. For all the talk about traumatic brain injury, there is remarkably little overlap between the TBI and PTSD conceptualizations, that I can see. Everybody is trying to establish that THEY are the ones who have it all figured out, and precious few people are giving quarter. But that’s a bit dense and self-serving. It’s also not practical, nor is it accurate. The two overlap and feed into each other obviously (to me at least) and any approach to TBI recovery (yes, I’ll say recovery) must necessarily include an approach to trauma that is patently unlike the talk-therapy approaches that just serve to drive us half-mad with all the emotional stirring-up and provocation. Let me put it simply. This is what I believe:
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