Ah, the holidays… If my life wasn’t interesting enough, here come some more complications to throw into the mix. There is a lot to do – especially with end of the year activities at work.
And I’m tired, so that doesn’t help matters.
I feel unsure of myself issue #14 on my list of 84 ways TBI can make your life really interesting . I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of screwing up, like I’m never going to figure this stuff out, like it’s only a matter of time till things blow up. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I thought I was doing so much better. But now I’m back to feeling intensely concerned about my performance at work, my ability to do my job, and my future in general. I feel like the rug is slowly disintegrating underneath me… like parts of it are falling away, but I can’t detect it until it’s too late. Surprise! You’re screwed! You thought you were doing it all right, but you were wrong! Again! And that uncertainty is not helping me keep focused on what I need to do.
It makes me nervous. And when I am nervous, it gets me all agitated, which makes me more susceptible to manic-type behavior and getting distracted… which just leads to even more nervousness.
Vicious cycle.
So, what do I do? Oh hell, just get on with whatever is in front of me. Make a damn’ list and stick to it. It’s boring and irritating and I don’t like doing it, but I have no choice at this point.
It’s not all that bad, actually. Being able to get stuff done, even if I do need a list to do it, and I need to make extra effort… it beats the alternative. I just have to keep from getting so distracted and scattered that nothing works for me. And that’s where I’ve been headed for a few weeks, now.
The job search, the interpersonal issues, the holidays… it’s all a potent “cocktail” for some serious non-cheer.
But I’m feeling sorry for myself. Seriously. I feel unsure of myself, I feel unsure of everything, I don’t know where this is all going, and I have at least three different courses of action to take, and I have to pick one, or I won’t get anything done.
So, for today, I’m picking one. And getting on with it. I need to restore structure to my life and really, truly get on with it. Keep myself on track. Get my focus back. And just live my life. I figure, if I’m focused enough on other things, I won’t have to get bogged down on myself. Keep the focus on others, on my tasks, on the things that are possible beyond the scary confines of my own head… and just live my life.
I may be feeling unsure of myself, but I can still get on with it. I’ll worry about the “unsure” stuff later, I guess.
Ah, the holidays… If my life wasn’t interesting enough, here come some more complications to throw into the mix. There is a lot to do – especially with end of the year activities at work.
And I’m tired, so that doesn’t help matters.
I feel unsure of myself issue #14 on my list of 84 ways TBI can make your life really interesting . I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of screwing up, like I’m never going to figure this stuff out, like it’s only a matter of time till things blow up. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I thought I was doing so much better. But now I’m back to feeling intensely concerned about my performance at work, my ability to do my job, and my future in general. I feel like the rug is slowly disintegrating underneath me… like parts of it are falling away, but I can’t detect it until it’s too late. Surprise! You’re screwed! You thought you were doing it all right, but you were wrong! Again! And that uncertainty is not helping me keep focused on what I need to do.
It makes me nervous. And when I am nervous, it gets me all agitated, which makes me more susceptible to manic-type behavior and getting distracted… which just leads to even more nervousness.
Vicious cycle.
So, what do I do? Oh hell, just get on with whatever is in front of me. Make a damn’ list and stick to it. It’s boring and irritating and I don’t like doing it, but I have no choice at this point.
It’s not all that bad, actually. Being able to get stuff done, even if I do need a list to do it, and I need to make extra effort… it beats the alternative. I just have to keep from getting so distracted and scattered that nothing works for me. And that’s where I’ve been headed for a few weeks, now.
The job search, the interpersonal issues, the holidays… it’s all a potent “cocktail” for some serious non-cheer.
But I’m feeling sorry for myself. Seriously. I feel unsure of myself, I feel unsure of everything, I don’t know where this is all going, and I have at least three different courses of action to take, and I have to pick one, or I won’t get anything done.
So, for today, I’m picking one. And getting on with it. I need to restore structure to my life and really, truly get on with it. Keep myself on track. Get my focus back. And just live my life. I figure, if I’m focused enough on other things, I won’t have to get bogged down on myself. Keep the focus on others, on my tasks, on the things that are possible beyond the scary confines of my own head… and just live my life.
I may be feeling unsure of myself, but I can still get on with it. I’ll worry about the “unsure” stuff later, I guess.