Hm. This is interesting. I had my meeting with my new (interim) boss yesterday, and they have picked me to take on some work that is nothing like what I’ve been planning to do.
But at the same time, it fits perfectly with what I have been doing and doing extremely well for the past 2-1/2 years. It is not technical. On the contrary. It’s the opposite of technical. It’s about leadership. It’s about communication. It’s about doing the sorts of things I have really dreaded to do, over the course of my life talk to a lot of people, interact with a lot of people, and not have very much to do with systems at all.
This is interesting.
Because it tells me that not only do I have strengths in areas I don’t normally think I do, but people are actually picking me out of a crowd to use those strengths.
And it tells me that I may need to revise my perception of myself. Very much so.
You know, this is really interesting… when I look past my exhaustion and insecurity and second-guessing… when I consider where I’ve been in the past… this is actually more in keeping with what I was doing in the couple of years before my TBI in 2004. The interactivity, the leadership, the communication… I was doing that regularly, in the couple of years before I fell (and my life fell apart), so it’s almost like it’s a reboot or a resetting of how things once were.
And it’s a reminder (and yes I can really use one) of my long-standing interest in developing as a leader, not just a manager. I don’t want to be a manager. I want to be a leader. And this is my chance. It’s a big chance. It is a big job. And when I get past the trepidation and anxiety about not knowing exactly how to move forward, I get excited by this. Very much so.
It’s also a chance to move away from dealing with a lot of incredibly difficult people who have gone out of their way to make my life “interesting”. I’m sure there will be a lot more incredibly difficult people I’ll be dealing with, but I’ve learned a lot from before, and I think I’ll be able to make a better start, this next time. That’s my hope and plan, anyway. I have a lot of thinking to do… as well as a lot of resting to do, so I don’t get too fried by this whole thing.
It’s an opportunity. Indeed, it is.
And now I need to revise much of what I’ve put out there, in terms of what kind of work I’m looking for. I imagine I will be in this position for at least another year… maybe more. This does represent a significant job change, so I can’t just pick up and go, if this is the direction I’m headed in. I need to prove myself in this capacity and establish myself, before I do anything else.
So, this is a big change. It’s a step up for me, actually, and it’s good. Now I need to really take good care of myself and pay attention to how I’m doing, so I can be up to the challenges ahead of me. I just need to keep cool, roll with the changes, and not let anxiety get the better of me. This could be a really great change for me, to get me out of the “trenches” and step up to another level. And my chances of success will be that much greater, if I can take good care of myself as I go.
So, that being said, it’s time to get going and get ready for work. It’s a new day. It’s exhausting and confusing and frustrating and uncertain, but it’s all going to work out.