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Some Wed Thoughts

Posted May 12 2010 12:00am
I have been at a little lost for words.  Not sure what to say or blog about.  Yet I find myself missing my blog.  So here I am.

I have been thinking alot about the purpose of my blog.  I always get such support and tons of prayers.  But the one thing I never wanted was a pity blog.  The odd thing is, when I started my blog I did it to make it about everyday life vs a medical blog.  Then I got sick ..well not sick...I hate the words I am sick..How about I found out I had cancer.  Well you know what I mean.  Anyways..back to my thoughts..I just never want my blog to be a pity poor Amy and her awful life.  

Because in truth..I am so very blessed.  My goodness...who can say their son has had 19 brain operations and a stroke and he is still here with us?  I am also so very blessed that I found my lump and they found the other nodules during testing.  And I am still here.

With that being said..I do feel frustrated every single day.  I am not sure how I am suppose to deal with it.  For I trying to hard to fight the issues?  Would it be easier to just give in to the OMG this stinks thoughts? 

I want to be happy.  I want to be content.  I want I want I that bad?

I guess I just feel like there is something wrong with ME when I have to try so hard to get through the days.I guess I just feel like maybe I am stuck...

Okay enough of this. 

There are some GREAT things happening in our home.  Tons of happiness.  Smiles from our kids.  Tons of laughter.  Yet the hurt full things are the ones that are hurting me.  I just need to say this..I worry every single minute of the day about Philip. I trust God. I pray daily.  And I know I am suppose to hand it over to God.  I try...I am...and yet I struggle with that also..
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