I woke up yesterday morning wanting to just quit and leave everything. I just wanted to get a break from all the WORK, all the thinking, all the doing, all the calculating. I just wanted to stop what I was doing, what I was planning, what I was practicing, what I was hoping for. I wanted to let it all go. Just … go.
And relax. Take a break. Stop the world and get off. I didn’t care about my plans. I didn’t care about my projects, I didn’t care about hope for the future and all that. All I knew was, I was tapped out and needed a serious break. Nothing made sense, everything was a blur, and I didn’t care — honestly, truly — what became of me. I just wanted to be done with everything that was complex and uncertain – for now, and for always.
Which is a fine thing to want, but in actuality, I should not act on it. Feeling is one thing. Doing is another. If I had followed through on how I felt, I would have abandoned some pretty big stuff. Sure, I would have been relieved and happy — as I have been hundreds even thousands of times when I’ve bailed on my Big Plans. But it would have been an enormous mistake.
So, I let myself just feel that way. Fine. I felt that way. And then after about an hour, I got back to doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing. Because once I get back into the swing of things, I’m actually fine and enjoying what I’m doing, and I get clear(er) on where I’m going. I just need to let myself feel the way I feel — for a while. Then I need to collect myself and get back in the swing of things, not losing too much ground, but still allowing myself to take a break.