Radiation

I had my support group meeting yesterday. It was ok, most of the time was spent learning about gamma knife and other types of radiation treatments. After the meeting I had an appointment with the radiation oncologist who did my gamma knife. The appointment was going well until the doc mentioned that he thought I would probably need to follow up with partial brain radiation. Right after we started talking about it the nurse came in and told him he had a phone call so he stepped out for a moment. I started to cry! I tried to compose myself before he came back in, but he could tell something was wrong. We talked about it. He figures that because of the fact that I was diagnosed with 2 tumors, then 3, then 4, then still 4 after 2 were removed, that they will probably keep coming and radiation treatment is the best form of preventative medicine. The only problem is once they do it they can't do it again so if I get more tumors I will either have to gamma knife them or do nothing. The neurosurgeon doesn't want to do any more surgeries because he already opened my head three times this year. The the doc said not to worry about it now, that there is nothing that can be done over the holidays and to wait until next year when I have my next MRI and see my neurosurgeon and see what he has to say. Now how am I supposed to just forget about it? I cried on the way to the store and then on the way to my friends house, and then on my friend's shoulder, and then later that night, and again in the shower this morning. Although in the shower this morning it was more because I started thinking about how I will manage if I do get radiation therapy and if my mom needs to come back out. I started crying because I felt bad about ruining their lives. They had a trip planned for last spring and one for this winter and they had to cancel both because they spent the money on tickets to come take care of me. I know my parents would rather be here to take of me than take a trip (only if needed of course!) but I felt so bad this morning and I really hope that mom can stay home and work this coming year so they can take the trips they wanted to take. Or even if she has to come here, if I can work later and make enough money to get them on their trips!

I received a very nice comment on my last post. That too mad me cry!

TTFN