Grab a cup of tea or a coke and a kleenex. It’s wonderful! Thank you Karen, for your intimate transparency and encouragement!
On The Threshold of 50
As I sit here at my computer wide awake and contemplating how my life has changed so much in a year, a deep sense of sadness fills the depths of me. I struggle daily with pain that, for me, is beyond bearable at times. My gait has changed due to the pain in my legs. A year ago, I danced at my daughter’s wedding; now hating to admit it, but reality check in mind, I could not dance today if I had to.
I had a friend over last night. We sat and talked and we went out into my garage and went through a pile of fairly new shoes that I had given up for donation since I can no longer don them. My legs are unable to stand the angle of even a small heel or wedged sole. As I watched her excitement with the receipt of the shoes, internally my heart sank. It was yet another part of me chipped away by this insidious disease.
Tomorrow I will turn 50 years old. I have made it to this fine age only through the grace of God. As I look back over my life, tears well up in my eyes. It has had pivotal moments, as anyone’s life does, but also some very profound ones that have shaped and molded me to be the woman I am this very morning. I have a deep compassion of self (this might sound strange, but for those that know me know the ups and pitfalls of this life I have endured).
Through it all, God has been gracious blessed me. I have a man who loves me like no one else ever has. He is strong and giving and supportive in all ways he possibly can be. He has a sense of humor and the spirit of a youth, and enriches my life daily. I have two beautiful daughters who enlighten me with their enthusiasm for life and willingness to be there should I so need them. I have son-in-laws who have enriched my life and embraced me as their own mother and grandchildren who openly hug and love me as if there is no tomorrow. My life is enriched with family that I embrace and friends who I feel are an extension of my biological family. I am truly a blessed woman.
So, as I ponder the last 50 years of this life I have lived, as I sit here at 3 a.m. witting, and as my tears make it difficult to see the screen before me, I thank the Lord and Great Master above for all he has embraced my life with - the good, the bad and the magnificent. He has surely opened doors that will forever hold a special place within my heart. He has held my hand and led me through the depths of hell only to experience a complete metamorphism just as the butterfly.
The past ten years of my life have probably been the most productive, most redefining ones, my life having been molded and changed by events beyond my control. Some of these events have been painful for me but necessary in order to be able to spread my wings and experience all that life had for me. Thrust out into the world, learning that deep within me there was a will to go onward, a will that would take me to the greatest heights imaginable.
I have in these past ten years learned to spread my wings and soar to heights I never thought possible. And so again, as I sit here writing this long recap of a wonderful, enriched life, I thank the Lord for all the people that He has allowed to touch me and assist me on my road of personal growth. I am grateful to have been able to experience true love and the love of others and to be able to give back in return. I can only imagine what the next ten years will hold for me.