Well, I am trying to stay cool about everything, but I have recently been living in my head and feeling a bit sorry for myself because after giving out the bad news I guess I was so good at reassuring everyone that I was doing fine that no one felt the need to call or want to even try to spend any time with me. One friend asked me to do something and I declined because it was something I would really rather not do, lets just say it involved country music and line dancing so I think its fair to say it was ok of me to turn that invite down. Plus I later found out I may have been a third wheel anyway. So thats where I have been, wishing that just one of my friends cared enough to at least want to get together to see me before I go do this procedure. I know the procedure itself is not going to kill me, but that is not the point. The tumors have grown and no one seems to care! Sure they responded with follow up emails saying how strong they think I am and what an inspiration I am but what I want and need is for someone to actually want to spend some time with me! Is that so wrong? Otherwise what am I being so strong for? And worst of all, most of that support has come from people who are not even local, so email is all they can do! What happened to all my friends? Where did they go? I know I stopped calling people because I don't have any money and I don't want to say hey lets get together but you have to treat because I don't have any money! Oh well. Part of me really wants to fight like hell because I know I am not done here and another part of me is just wondering why the hell I should!
I met with my boss to get some answers about this movie. Got some but not enough. There is a production meeting tomorrow where I can hopefully get the rest of my answers but these people are amateurs and I think this is going to be a big mistake. I'm a little nervous about it. My boss had poison oak yestday from the tech scout. Our first week of work is in the mountains which is going to be tricky enough for me but now I have to worry about poison oak, black widow spiders, and snakes. A little nervous. I am going shopping today to buy poison oak protection, I have my canes for snake protection and I did some research on the spiders, not as scary as they sound, I should be fine. I just really hate spiders. I am already on a steroid so poison oak and a spider bite won't kill me, but seeing a snake might, so lets hope that doesn't happen! Have lots of work to do today, have to take pictures of all the stuff I have that we can use so they can save money, though it won't make me any, maybe I can try to get a rental fee out of it, and do all my shopping. Tomorrow I have doc appointments, the production meeting and I have to go to the prop house to start pulling the props we want to rent. I am going to be totally busy from here on out.
Oh, I forgot to mention the big discovery I think I may have made. Remember when I said that my doc thought that the Lexapro may have been what was inhibiting the tumor growth? Well I tried to think about all the things I have done differently this year since my last MRI in Dec and the one thing I could remember was that I stopped drinking aloe vera juice! I started drinking aloe vera juice back when I was diagnosed because a friend of mine told me that her friend said it could inhibit tumor growth, so I drank it everyday. At the beginning of the year I stopped buying it because I was low on money, had to cut back on things and although my tumors had not grown I could not prove it was the aloe vera juice that was responsible so I stopped buying and therefore stopped drinking it. 6 months later my tumors had grwon dramatically. Coiincidence? I don't know but as soon as I realized this I went and bought some. I also did some more research on it. Aloe Vera Juice is very good for you. Its good for the digestive system, which mine has been a complete mess lately so that will be a welcome relief for sure when it kicks in! It also helps with weight loss. It also helps boost the immune system, something I really need right now with being on the steroids, and it gives valuable vitamins and minerals, its like it looks at your body and sees what it needs and gives it to it! That is what the one web site said anyway. All I know is that since I stopped drinking it I have gained more weight, had irregularity that even Activia can't help with and my tumors grew so I'm all for spending the $8 a bottle every other week or whatever it was to keep myself healthy again! I buy it at Trader Joes and it can also be found at Walmart. There may be better brands, but this is all I can afford at the time and it was what was working before so I'll stick with it!
I met with my boss to get some answers about this movie. Got some but not enough. There is a production meeting tomorrow where I can hopefully get the rest of my answers but these people are amateurs and I think this is going to be a big mistake. I'm a little nervous about it. My boss had poison oak yestday from the tech scout. Our first week of work is in the mountains which is going to be tricky enough for me but now I have to worry about poison oak, black widow spiders, and snakes. A little nervous. I am going shopping today to buy poison oak protection, I have my canes for snake protection and I did some research on the spiders, not as scary as they sound, I should be fine. I just really hate spiders. I am already on a steroid so poison oak and a spider bite won't kill me, but seeing a snake might, so lets hope that doesn't happen! Have lots of work to do today, have to take pictures of all the stuff I have that we can use so they can save money, though it won't make me any, maybe I can try to get a rental fee out of it, and do all my shopping. Tomorrow I have doc appointments, the production meeting and I have to go to the prop house to start pulling the props we want to rent. I am going to be totally busy from here on out.
Oh, I forgot to mention the big discovery I think I may have made. Remember when I said that my doc thought that the Lexapro may have been what was inhibiting the tumor growth? Well I tried to think about all the things I have done differently this year since my last MRI in Dec and the one thing I could remember was that I stopped drinking aloe vera juice! I started drinking aloe vera juice back when I was diagnosed because a friend of mine told me that her friend said it could inhibit tumor growth, so I drank it everyday. At the beginning of the year I stopped buying it because I was low on money, had to cut back on things and although my tumors had not grown I could not prove it was the aloe vera juice that was responsible so I stopped buying and therefore stopped drinking it. 6 months later my tumors had grwon dramatically. Coiincidence? I don't know but as soon as I realized this I went and bought some. I also did some more research on it. Aloe Vera Juice is very good for you. Its good for the digestive system, which mine has been a complete mess lately so that will be a welcome relief for sure when it kicks in! It also helps with weight loss. It also helps boost the immune system, something I really need right now with being on the steroids, and it gives valuable vitamins and minerals, its like it looks at your body and sees what it needs and gives it to it! That is what the one web site said anyway. All I know is that since I stopped drinking it I have gained more weight, had irregularity that even Activia can't help with and my tumors grew so I'm all for spending the $8 a bottle every other week or whatever it was to keep myself healthy again! I buy it at Trader Joes and it can also be found at Walmart. There may be better brands, but this is all I can afford at the time and it was what was working before so I'll stick with it!