I had my doc visit today and I told him about my smelling smoke and he suggested I tell either my NS (neurosurgeon) or Neurologist. I chose to call the NS, mainly because I don't particularly care for the Neurologist. I talked to the receptionist and asked to leave a message. I told her I was smelling smoke with no smoke around. She asked me to hold and came back on the line and said I should come in tomorrow. I really don't know what good that will do, I haven't had my MRI yet and its not like he can do the test himself, but he wants me to come in tomorrow. I cried pretty much the whole way home. If NS wants to see me it can't be good. So I probably will end up getting my MRI this week. I am scared. If I can't go for 6 months without a problem, how am I going to get a life? That's all I want, is a life. A job, a relationship, a normal life.
My doc did say, however, that it is perfectly normal for me to be emotional and get upset and frustrated from time to time. I have been thru a lot the past year and its not something that goes away that easily, especially when you have lasting side effects like I do with the bad leg and the bald spot. 24/7 reminders of all that I have been thru and the only good thing I have to show for it is that I am still alive. I have gained 30 lbs, lost hair on my head, and lost control of my leg. If there is another problem, tumor related, why should I fight it? What is there for me to lose? I have tons of stuff, but nothing to live for. That's how I feel today, completely defeated. And the smoke smell is back and I have a slight headache, and I am all alone. Yippee! Its great to be alive!