More Frustration

So I did get more sleep last night, but my back really isn't doing better which means my leg isn't doing better. Its not that my back hurts or anything, I just notice that something is out of whack because I feel more tingling in my leg sometimes more than others depending on how I am sitting or standing or even when I am lying down. I need to stretch. I have tried cracking my back but thats not working so I need to stretch. The frustrating part is I went to take a shower and because my leg is weak and I had some trouble standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth I decided to give in and use the shower chair. I figured it would be safer and easier on me. I was wrong. I had the worst time and it was so frustrating that I actually ended up standing and finishing my shower on my feet! Which actually should be a good thing, and I guess it is, but the whole time I was sitting on the chair I was so frustrated and beaten. I almost started to cry. I kept dropping everything and my weak leg made it hard to support myself to be able to pick up what had fallen. I just can't understand why I am being put threw this all by myself. I have no one to help me. Yes my mother will be here in a few days but for now I am all alone. Why? Again reaffiming my new belief that there can't possibly be a god. Because the god that I had believed in would not be forcing me to go through all this alone. I had already felt alone in this world, there is no possible reason for me to go through this alone, no lesson to be learned. I have always been alone. Recently haven't had very many close friends, never having a romantic relationship. Always alone. Now that doesn't mean that I don't have faith that I am going to make it through the surgery. I totally believe that I am going to survive and live to see another day and be a better person for it too. My life is just beginning. I am just obviously on my own. If god wants to show up and prove me wrong, be my guest (about me being on my own part obviously!)