Saw the NS today and he put me back on the expensive antibiotics. He is almost as paranoid about me getting an infection as I am and since I told him I am having some more drainage and he sees a small hole near the back of my incision site he put me back on antibiotics and he said if the drainage continues to come back on Thursday so he can put a stitch in it, but otherwise to take it easy and keep my head elevated to try to let the hole heal by itself. I am hoping it heals itsefl because Thursday I have my appt with the other doc who is supposed to write my letter of medical necessity for the insurance co so I can get more physical therapy and I can't miss that appointment. If I have to go to the NS to get a stitch I will probably have to wait for hours and I don't have that kind of time, I have an appointment scheduled but he doesn't keep suture kits in his office so I would have to wait for him at the ER and last time I did that it took hours.
My left side is really bothering me. I started doing the free weight exercises for my left arm and since I started doing that my side has really been bothering me. So I am going to stop, for now, hoping that will help. Of course my leg is still really bothering me too. We have been doing my exercises and walking and all but if I miss a day it gets all week again. And my left ear keeps closing up on me! I am so frustrated with all the problems I have been having since this last surgery. This surgery was supposed to make things better, not worse, yet it just made everything much worse. I wanted to enjoy life and appreciate everything and all that, but how can I when I have nothing to appreciate? Life still sucks and its even worse than before. And I am not even sure how much longer I am going to be around. I have this feeling that things are not quite right with me and things are going to be getting even worse. I just wish it would end. I am not suicidal or anything, but I don't really want to live any more. I don't have any thing to live for any more. My career is pretty much over, I can't do it any more, and unless my leg improves drastically its gonna be a long time before I can work again. So what is the point? And most of my friends have pretty much abandoned me so I am all alone. My mom is going home next week so I really am going to be alone soon. I don't sleep very well and I am prone to burst into tears for no reason when I am alone. the NS lied to me, he said the surgery would be better for my leg but it ruined my leg, made it worse. Everytime he operates he makes my leg worse. I can't take it any more. I really hope there are no more new tumors because I can't do this again. I am done fighting. I have no more fight left in me. I am exhausted. And I really would just like to be able to walk again and do my job. Here's hoping...
My left side is really bothering me. I started doing the free weight exercises for my left arm and since I started doing that my side has really been bothering me. So I am going to stop, for now, hoping that will help. Of course my leg is still really bothering me too. We have been doing my exercises and walking and all but if I miss a day it gets all week again. And my left ear keeps closing up on me! I am so frustrated with all the problems I have been having since this last surgery. This surgery was supposed to make things better, not worse, yet it just made everything much worse. I wanted to enjoy life and appreciate everything and all that, but how can I when I have nothing to appreciate? Life still sucks and its even worse than before. And I am not even sure how much longer I am going to be around. I have this feeling that things are not quite right with me and things are going to be getting even worse. I just wish it would end. I am not suicidal or anything, but I don't really want to live any more. I don't have any thing to live for any more. My career is pretty much over, I can't do it any more, and unless my leg improves drastically its gonna be a long time before I can work again. So what is the point? And most of my friends have pretty much abandoned me so I am all alone. My mom is going home next week so I really am going to be alone soon. I don't sleep very well and I am prone to burst into tears for no reason when I am alone. the NS lied to me, he said the surgery would be better for my leg but it ruined my leg, made it worse. Everytime he operates he makes my leg worse. I can't take it any more. I really hope there are no more new tumors because I can't do this again. I am done fighting. I have no more fight left in me. I am exhausted. And I really would just like to be able to walk again and do my job. Here's hoping...