Tonight I had a call from my mom ...she had read my blog...and was concern. She asked me a honest question...Are you comfortable with having your personal business out there. She also said she was surprised considering how private I have been in the past about these issues.
As I explained to her..I would NOT of shared this info IF I had not had people asking me some very hurtful questions...
When I started receiving emails asking me if Jim had walked out and left me..or was he having a affair...or even one person asked me if I killed him and there was not a LOL after her question...I KNEW that SOMEONE had shared my personal information with someone who shared and shared and like a wildfire....it seemed it was everywhere. I had shared with very few people that anything was "going on" . In fact I was very careful to NOT share it...As you see that did not work out so well with me. Lesson learned...
The problem is when you do not know the facts of something and you share little bits and pieces...it becomes so much more then it ever was...and shame on YOU who felt the need to hurry and be the special one with the "NEWS". Next time please make sure if you are going to gossip you get the facts correct.
With this being said...I am upset. I am hurt. I am frustrated. And being who I am ...and who you all have helped me to become..I need to be blunt here with each of you...I hope you can listen to my heart .
I am not and will not listen or read anything that is nasty mean or judging of my husband. Until you have walked one mile in his shoes you do not know ....He is a man with a heart and feelings. He has stood by me and our children since day one. He has watched OUR son struggle to live for 19 years. He has watched his brother die on a heart transplant list 3 years ago and his sister who lived with us die 5 years ago. He is watching his wife and best friend fight for her life so she can live and be a mother to his children. He has gone to work and told them when he thought he would be laid off that he would do whatever he could to keep his job. And even with a serious back injury he has worked in a store room cleaning out large boxes in between programs...to keep his job. I can not imagine knowing that if I lost my job my wife and child would not have insurance for serious medical treatments. And everyday worry about if I would have a job or not.
My husband did not have a affair..he did not leave us...he did not do some awful thing...
As I said before...years ago Jim seeked treatment for depression . He made some changes in his life and life style that would help him live a healthier happier life...for himself and our family.
A few weeks before Philip's operation..he started to have some personal issues and things became hard...WE took the steps we thought would help and for a while it did. But as time went on..it was clear that things were getting harder and not better.
As a couple we did what we do best...we stood side by side and faced things head on. With the help of his DR..We made some decisions. Decisions to help Jim get better..stronger..healthier...so he can be the man and father he is and wants to be. I admire him for this.
Yes I have been hurt that things have not been going wonderful...yes I am frustrated that Jim could not "snap" out of it...but I have never been as proud of him as I am right now. He is not taking the easy way out...he is facing things head on and working on getting well...just like I am with my cancer.
So let me say this...My husband has not done some awful thing that I need to forgive him for. I said I was frustrated and hurt...but my goodness...what if he had not gone for help and something awful happen...or he continued down this path and got sicker and lost his job or worse. He did and is doing the right thing. He is here for me in sickness and health and I am here for him.
Those of you who want to send me the emails and say mean or awful things...if it makes you feel better..Then Good for you. I hope you or your spouse never have to see just how far you can be pushed without it causing you some heartache.
For those of you who say you hope I can forgive my husband or that he comes home. My husband will be home...soon..and healthier and stronger then he has been in a very long time. I can hardly wait. You have no idea how much I miss him .
A week ago I prayed to God very loud and very clear..that I needed help. God answered my prayers. Maybe more clearly then he ever has. God has done exactly what he wants with Jim and myself. And he is with both of us each step of the way. God blessed us more then you can imagine with the answers to my prayers last week. I am so thankful....
This will be the last time I discuss this topic on my blog. I am done explaining any part of this . I think it is clear how I feel about things. This was not and did not need to become such a big deal. But when I felt that I needed to defend Jim about crazy affair talk and such..I shared the truth. My goodness there are many worse things then someone having a issue with depression and getting help. In fact I think it takes a very strong man to admit it and find a way to fix it ..so he can come back and support his family....
For those who have continued to support me and send me message of hope and prayers for myself and Jim. Thank you so very much. Each of you have lifted me up higher and reminded me that I can come here and share and not be judged.
Now enough of this...can we get back to ...ME ME ME ME...ha..Nah...
How would you all like a few Cole Tre stories? How about a Philip update? Would you like to see my handsome 16 year old with a new hair cut...and of course there is always a Emily story..
And who wants to know my plans to get hot and sexy and well all that before Jimmy gets back..so when he comes back he will be ...well....hummm....
As I explained to her..I would NOT of shared this info IF I had not had people asking me some very hurtful questions...
When I started receiving emails asking me if Jim had walked out and left me..or was he having a affair...or even one person asked me if I killed him and there was not a LOL after her question...I KNEW that SOMEONE had shared my personal information with someone who shared and shared and like a wildfire....it seemed it was everywhere. I had shared with very few people that anything was "going on" . In fact I was very careful to NOT share it...As you see that did not work out so well with me. Lesson learned...
The problem is when you do not know the facts of something and you share little bits and pieces...it becomes so much more then it ever was...and shame on YOU who felt the need to hurry and be the special one with the "NEWS". Next time please make sure if you are going to gossip you get the facts correct.
With this being said...I am upset. I am hurt. I am frustrated. And being who I am ...and who you all have helped me to become..I need to be blunt here with each of you...I hope you can listen to my heart .
I am not and will not listen or read anything that is nasty mean or judging of my husband. Until you have walked one mile in his shoes you do not know ....He is a man with a heart and feelings. He has stood by me and our children since day one. He has watched OUR son struggle to live for 19 years. He has watched his brother die on a heart transplant list 3 years ago and his sister who lived with us die 5 years ago. He is watching his wife and best friend fight for her life so she can live and be a mother to his children. He has gone to work and told them when he thought he would be laid off that he would do whatever he could to keep his job. And even with a serious back injury he has worked in a store room cleaning out large boxes in between programs...to keep his job. I can not imagine knowing that if I lost my job my wife and child would not have insurance for serious medical treatments. And everyday worry about if I would have a job or not.
My husband did not have a affair..he did not leave us...he did not do some awful thing...
As I said before...years ago Jim seeked treatment for depression . He made some changes in his life and life style that would help him live a healthier happier life...for himself and our family.
A few weeks before Philip's operation..he started to have some personal issues and things became hard...WE took the steps we thought would help and for a while it did. But as time went on..it was clear that things were getting harder and not better.
As a couple we did what we do best...we stood side by side and faced things head on. With the help of his DR..We made some decisions. Decisions to help Jim get better..stronger..healthier...so he can be the man and father he is and wants to be. I admire him for this.
Yes I have been hurt that things have not been going wonderful...yes I am frustrated that Jim could not "snap" out of it...but I have never been as proud of him as I am right now. He is not taking the easy way out...he is facing things head on and working on getting well...just like I am with my cancer.
So let me say this...My husband has not done some awful thing that I need to forgive him for. I said I was frustrated and hurt...but my goodness...what if he had not gone for help and something awful happen...or he continued down this path and got sicker and lost his job or worse. He did and is doing the right thing. He is here for me in sickness and health and I am here for him.
Those of you who want to send me the emails and say mean or awful things...if it makes you feel better..Then Good for you. I hope you or your spouse never have to see just how far you can be pushed without it causing you some heartache.
For those of you who say you hope I can forgive my husband or that he comes home. My husband will be home...soon..and healthier and stronger then he has been in a very long time. I can hardly wait. You have no idea how much I miss him .
A week ago I prayed to God very loud and very clear..that I needed help. God answered my prayers. Maybe more clearly then he ever has. God has done exactly what he wants with Jim and myself. And he is with both of us each step of the way. God blessed us more then you can imagine with the answers to my prayers last week. I am so thankful....
This will be the last time I discuss this topic on my blog. I am done explaining any part of this . I think it is clear how I feel about things. This was not and did not need to become such a big deal. But when I felt that I needed to defend Jim about crazy affair talk and such..I shared the truth. My goodness there are many worse things then someone having a issue with depression and getting help. In fact I think it takes a very strong man to admit it and find a way to fix it ..so he can come back and support his family....
For those who have continued to support me and send me message of hope and prayers for myself and Jim. Thank you so very much. Each of you have lifted me up higher and reminded me that I can come here and share and not be judged.
Now enough of this...can we get back to ...ME ME ME ME...ha..Nah...
How would you all like a few Cole Tre stories? How about a Philip update? Would you like to see my handsome 16 year old with a new hair cut...and of course there is always a Emily story..
And who wants to know my plans to get hot and sexy and well all that before Jimmy gets back..so when he comes back he will be ...well....hummm....