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Had my support group meeting tod...

Posted Oct 22 2008 4:53pm
Had my support group meeting today. We watched a video from the National Brain Tumor Association about living and coping with a brain tumor and its weird because every time they mentioned it I kept thinking "what if you have 4 brain tumors?" Everyone was diagnosed with one brain tumor. But most of them actually had cancer and I do not, so I guess I am a little better off because I have not had to go thru chemo. And I read on one of my online support groups this girl who was college age had like 14 tumors! Man, I can't even imagine! And at that age! Although, after watching "High School Confidential" on WE where one of the girls was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 15 or 16, I kinda wish I had been diagnosed back then. Why? Well maybe I would have lived a little more, and not hidden behind alcohol and avoided life. Maybe I would have had a different life. Of course its not good to live in what-if-land. When I got out of my first surgery I tried the whole "I'm gonna change and learn to appreciate life" thing. It worked for awhile, but when things around me didn't respond to my change I started to regress to my old miserable, bitter self. All these books I've been reading, including "The Secret" say if you believe you can make it happen, but that wasn't the case. I tried, I really did, and I still am, but everything around me kept turning me around to my previous thinking. This one book states that we are the only ones that can control what we think. Well, that is true, but we can't necessarily change something by thinking it to be different. Just because I want to believe the world is a good place doesn't make it so. I got frustrated by my situation, the whole work thing, and I let it get to me. I could have chosen to not let it get to me, but that doesn't change what actually happened. I just need to remember there is a difference. This is all positive, I know on Monday I was really down and felt defeated, but I don't feel like that right now. doesn't mean I won't feel that way tomorrow, but I am trying. I do take things too personally and sometimes I feel that the universe is against me. I know that isn't true, at least I really hope it isn't! But sometimes it really does feel that way, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. Just before I typed that line I had to blow 2 hairs that fell out, off my keyboard! That is the universe's perverse way of teasing me right? Yes, my hair is growing back, but it seems the front patch I still have has thinned out considerably the past few weeks!

Back to the support group meeting. Once again I started to feel sad at the meeting, because everyone has a strong support system and the people in the video all had strong support systems. I have support, it just isn't as strong as I would like. it always makes me a little sad. of course I haven't actually told any of my friends about the meeting so it is possible that someone would go with me. Anyway, one of the women at the meeting asked me what my plans for Easter are. I never have plans so I told her that and she invited me to her daughter's house Easter Dinner. Her daughter came to the meeting last month. I have a strange feeling about this... I will let you know!

Time to do laundry....yuk, these are the times I really miss having my mom here! She cleaned and did my laundry for me! In my own defense my leg was too weak to carry my laundry basket up and down the steps!

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