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Frustration...

Posted Sep 22 2008 11:06am
I think my problem last night was frustration, accompanied by a headache. My leg frustrates me and not having a job frustrates me and the constant headaches... I just don't know if its something I should worry about or something I will have to live with the rest of my life. The headaches come and go, so maybe they are just something I will have to live with, I am just afraid that if I ignore them I will let things get worse like when they first found the tumors. i have gotten headaches since high school so I just took advil and ignored them. Of course I didn't have insurance for most of my adult life and the times that I did my headaches weren't really bad, at least not often. I do remember several years ago I was getting bad headaches that advil didn't get rid of. I just figured they were sinus headaches and beer tended to make them go away! Once I got insurance I got it checked out and I was told the headaches were probably from a sinus infection and was given antibiotics and pain killers and told if the headaches persisted to call again. The headaches went away, for awhile, so I believed my original diagnosis.

I also don't want to spend the rest of my life paranoid, because that will just make things worse. At the beginning of the year I had an MRI, in January, and it showed no new growth and I waas told to get another MRI in 3 months. But 2 months in I got paranoid and went ahead and got the MRI a month early, it too showed no new growth, as did the next one. I am not due for another MRI until december and I don't want to spend all that time being paranoid!

Basically I need a job! I need something to do! I got a call yesterday from a friend about a job. He gave me a number to call. I did, never heard back. But I let my friend know that he can give my number out to anyone looking for help because I need the work, so hopefully something will come up soon. I have been cleaning my apartment, trying to be productive during my downtime. But these constant headaches have been bringing me down. I'm afraid to do stuff because I don't want the headaches to get worse, I need to overcome that fear. I was doing well a month ago, riding my stationary bike, walking and losing weight. I guess the whole dizzy-vertigo thing has spooked me because yesterday is the first time in two weeks that I got on that bike. And I spent all 15 minutes, yeah that's all I could bring myself to do, being paranoid of having that feeling again! I would like to ride again today, after lunch because right now I am started to get that weird feeling I get when its time for food. I am not hungry but I need to eat something to get rid of this feeling. Maybe I am starting to get a little hungry.
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