Friends

Yesterday my friend that was going to go to my brain tumor support group meeting with me today called to tell me he couldn't go because he got work. I was sad that he couldn't go with me, but happy that he was getting work, and I joked with him that I had told him I am a work charm! He is the third person that has had to cancel plans with me dur to getting work, I think I am going to start charging now, if someone cancels on me because they get work they owe me a finder's fee! Anyway, after that call I called another friend to see if she could go. I actually was going to invite her originally, I called her last week but she never returned my call. So I called her and she never returned my call last week because she was working, so I told her about my work charm theory because even though we didn't make definite plans we were going to make plans last week! Well, as we talked I told her about my financial woes and she started lecturing me about things and I actually had to stop her. She was upsetting me so much I started getting a headache. I told her that I loved her but we don't get to talk that often and I don't need that from her, I need her support and so I changed the subject and eventually I invited her to the brain tumor support group meeting. She said she was really busy but she would try. We continued talking and then my battery died. I plugged in the phone and tried to call her back, left a message. I also left her a text message giving her all the info. She didn't respond to that either. So I went to bed not knowing what to think.

Last night I dreamt that I was with a group of friends and then they all started running and I couldn't keep up because I couldn't run. I got ro some marble steps and I tried to climb them but there was no railing and I kept sliding. I grabbed on to a column but it was so hard to climb the steps. When I looked up, I saw my friends standing there watching me. This dream is very much how I feel, I am trying very hard to get better and do well and I am not getting any help from anyone. Its not fun being alone.

I got my blood test results back today. My thyroid is still testing underactive. I need to go tomorrow and have more tests run to be sure, but I may have to go on a thyroid medication. Yay, another freaking pill to take! Though my therapist said that an underactive thyroid could also be contributing to my depression which if I go on thyroid meds I may get to go off lexapro, but that's just me hoping, I mean speculating! Everything else came back normal.

Oh, I want to go back to the support group meeting. Today was our one year anniversary. Usually there are about ten people there, but today we had many more. And we had musical therapy, which I am a big fan of! My friend was late so she missed the first part of the musical therapy but she was able to enjoy the end part. And we took a group photo since there were so many people there so I will have my friend in the pic, though she wasn't near me in the pic! There was a new member with a meningioma or maybe more than one, a man, who has been dealing with it for over a decade. I can't even imagine, its been hard enough the past two years!