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Excerpt from Upcoming Book… Shaking On the Inside

Posted Nov 08 2010 8:38am

Many of you have asked how my book is coming.  THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!  It’s coming along great, actually.  Here is a sneak preview.  This excerpt is from Chapter 6: Fear of the Unknown…

I remember meeting my son for lunch one day and as I got out of the car, my foot was dragging somewhat.  I couldn’t raise it high enough, fast enough.  Yep, that’s right.  I fell.  Right then.  Right there.  And, mind youI fell slowly. At least it felt that way. That fall seemed like it lasted  f-o-r-e-v-e-r.  I was sure everyone in that sandwich shop saw the woman in the jeans and red coat fall right on her toosh and then struggle to get back up.  However, either no one witnessed the dreadful sight or they were extremely good actors and kindly (or not so kindly?) turned away.  I made a mental note to myself that day that when the time deems itself necessary, get a cane.

Until then, if you’re afraid of falling because your legs aren’t working properly, dropping things because your arms and hands aren’t working properly, etc., then why not build up what muscle/mobility you now have and make exercise one of the most important things you do?  I’ve already mentioned the benefits of bike riding for one man, but how about you?  What about walking?  That is what I enjoy.  (Yes, with my tennis shoes.)  Do it with someone else, which is actually safer and often more fun, but – like ‘they’ say – check with your doctor first.

Before we move on, I’ll give you a fitting, but humorous quote…

“My Dr. told me to start my exercise program very gradually, so today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants.” .

More than likely your doctor will tell you the same thing – to start slowly.  I don’t, however, think that driving past a store that sells sweatpants was quite what he meant when he told you to start slowly. However, at least it’s a start.

I look around to see,

if anyone has just seen

what I saw.

I catch a glimpse

of my reflection

in the glass before me,

that separates me

from the customers

who sit and eat lunch


In the two seconds

as I lay on the cold concrete

and see my reflection,

I want to cry.


I gather the courage

aided by embarrassment

and rise.

No one seemed to notice

or if they did -

they are either polite

or rude, given the lack of help

as I struggle to my feet.

I suppose it isn’t the fact of falling

that causes concern

but the fact that it is happening

and the wonder of what will be next.

It’s in the hope of a better day,

the hope of a new day -

that makes life easier

that causes us to prod, walk, shuffle, and move on.

The hope of a day

when there will be a cure.

Perhaps not now,

perhaps not here -

but for sure

there will be a day

when we will touch the face of Jesus

and be healed.

The biggest or most humongous (as my granddaughter says) fear is not uncommon to man.

The fear of the unknown.

It torments you.  It renders you useless as you worry and wonder what’s going to happen.  A Swedish proverb states that, “Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.”

Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, Chrone’s disease – they are not small things, but we give them each an awfully big shadow and allow our minds to runaway with fears that hold us hostage in the darkness.  Did you ever stop to think that it is we who create our own darkness? Mark Twain once said, “I’ve seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.”

We’ve all seen troubles, we’ve all dealt with them differently.  If you’re one who can’t seem to rise above them, read what Charles Kettering has to say:

“If you are distressed by anything external,
the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it;
and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Chronic illnesses aren’t just external, but the same principle applies.  The pain of our distress… we have the power to revoke it at any time, at any moment.  However, we must choose to.  We’re still alive.  It only seems to make sense to then… live.

Sing as if no one can hear you.

Dance as if no one is watching.

Love as if you’ll never be hurt.

Live as if it is your last day on earth.

A popular verse and yet, extremely poignant.  May God grant us grace and mercy to do just that.

Thank you to all who have encouraged and been a support to me through this project.  I’ll keep you posted and let you know when it’s done.  Until then, I’ll give you some excerpts and also – if you would like to contribute in any way, email me.  I can still use the following:

- your fears re: PD

- as a caregiver, your biggest struggles

- what do you do? (artistic, music, writing, speaking, etc. that you will not allow PD to take away, even if it’s more difficult to do)

Feel free to expound.  Contributors will be credited in the book and receive one free copy.


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