I’ve just returned from a wonderful few days in the mountains, near the river with hummingbirds whizzing by every morning. The need to recuse myself from the stresses of daily life is intense.If you suffer from a chronic disease, or if you care for someone who has a chronic disease, you KNOW that just living life is stressful! We must take a break from the telephones, faxes, emails and interruptions of every day jobs and living!
There is a good possibility that my new neurologist will tell me I don’t have PD. He may tell me I have Essential Tremor, or Parkinsonism. Or, he may tell me that there are other things going on in my body. I am almost completely off of my meds – and I CAN tell a difference. My tremors are back in full force. I’ve had some freezing when I get up to walk. But most of all, the stiffness and difficulty moving has been discouraging. My hands are stiff, my knees and hips are stiff, and I am frustrated with that stiffness.
But I understand the necessity of having me off the meds. Then the neurologist can really see what’s going on with my body. So, the stiffness, tremors and freezing are just a part of it – part of the process. One of my dearest friends, with whom I traveled this week, told me she was surprised at how well I was doing. But what the rest of the world DOESN’T see is the effort it takes for me to walk upright and not fall to the ground to crawl. The rest of the world sees me hobbling sometimes, freezing and staring at the floor….but they don’t see the concentration that it takes for me to begin walking.
I spent a LOT of energy felting wool, knitting, taking classes and spending time with my friends near the river. I actually climbed down into the roaring river, slipping and sliding down the riverbank until I came to the moss covered rocks. The water was freezing and all I could think about was what if this is the last time I can do this? Of course, I was cautious, careful, and ready to grab the rope if I fell in. But really, some days I wonder if tumbling down the swift current wouldn’t be a better way for me to go? I thought about letting go and just drifting away…..but then I remembered that the Good Lord really does have a plan for me. It may not be MY plan, and it may not be an easy plan – but it is HIS plan. So, I stood in the melted icy water, listening to the roar, and wiggled my toes. When I couldn’t feel them any more, I crawled out of the river, sat there and listened to the roar watching the white caps on the rolling waves.
What if I’m told I don’t have PD? What if I’m told I have some other disease? Well, I’ll tell you honestly, and I’ll tell you how I’m dealing with it. I can’t promise I won’t whine….but I will tell you how I’m being affected. And I do hope you will tell me how it’s going with you.
Let’s welcome the month of June…..we’re halfway through this year….so let’s see what happens next.