I posted some pics of my Halloween costume and my collection of canes. Hope you enjoy! Now back to my story.
So I left my job on Friday the 13
th of July, yes Friday the 13
th! I was a mess. I wasn't allowed to go to set so I could only say goodbye to a few people, luckily those few consisted of most of the cast. Only 2 people called me to see if I was
OK. I felt lucky to have them, but hurt by the rest. With my health problems no one else bothered to find out if I was
OK. Whatever.
I left work and went
straight to my docs and told
him what Work told me. I was bawling. He got me set up for disability insurance and told me to see the Neurologist, to rule out any side effects of the
meds and any kind of seizure activity in brain that could cause such behavior. We did a EEG and it showed no seizure activity and it turns out the
meds I am on is also know as a mood stabilizer (although I have read online someone said they have had anger outbursts on
Keppra so who knows).
The beginning of Aug was when I was scheduled for my next check up MRI so I kept that appointment. The MRI showed the tumor that was removed was growing back in 2 places- fast. Not good. I was very upset. I thought I had been doing everything right, I was taking much better care of myself than I used to, I stopped drinking and smoking, and I was eating healthier and getting exercise- though it was hard to get enough exercise with my leg not at 100%. I couldn't understand why this was still happening to me. Hadn't I gone through enough? I just lost my job and never got to see any of my friends and now I had to deal with more tumors and another surgery. This time I was scared. I knew deep down that I didn't survive the first 2 surgeries to give in to the third, but for some reason I was really scared. I had nothing to look forward to after the surgery. No job. It really upset me. I was really lost and I had no one to talk to. I tried, but no one was available. That made it worse. But on my birthday something happened that made me feel much better. I had a party and invited several people to join me for dinner on the Santa Monica Pier. Many people said they would come. I was thrilled. Then on my birthday, which was a day before the dinner, several people contacted me telling me they couldn't make it. I got so depressed, not to mention that I spent my actual birthday all alone, no one was able to spend the day with me because they were working or out of town, etc... Then the day of the dinner a couple more people canceled. Great. Why not. I decided to go to the pier early because I wanted to ride the rides and I was afraid if I waited and counted on my friends to ride with me I might not get the chance. So I did and I had a lot of fun. Then came time for dinner. My friends started to arrive, mostly on time, and we got a table and ordered. Dinner was great. I got some presents and free food and got to spend time with some friends. Then one of my friends gave me this card. She worked on the show that I did the pilot for and she got everyone to sign the card. When she handed me the card I noticed that it was thick. She got a collection going for me for my birthday and collected $400! I was so touched. My depression ended right then. I knew that although people don't have time for me they do care and some day I will have someone who will be there for me. But I still had to wait for the surgery. And that was hard. I was still scared.
Of course I don't really think I was afraid to die, I was afraid of leaving my parents. They already lost one child. When I was 3 they had a boy. He died when he was 8 hours old. I can't imagine losing one child, let alone 2. I don't know if my mom could handle it. That is what I was more worried about. If I died, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this any more. Fine by me. Though I am
NOT ready to die, don't get me wrong, I am just
OK if it happens. I just don't want my parents to suffer.
Plus this is the first time I had to wait a couple of weeks before the surgery. I had all that time to think about it, and worry about it. That was the hard part. Once it was over I was fine, it was the waiting that really got to me.
This time after the surgery I was only in the hospital for a few days. My surgery was on Wednesday Sept 19, 2007 and I was released on Sat Sept 22 by noon. I only had two visitors this time, because I was released so early. I had friends who were planning to visit on the weekend, but I was not there. Also, I didn't get very many phone calls this time. I
texted everyone to let them know I was
OK and that I had been released and I got messages back congratulating me, but that was about it. I really haven't heard from that many people since, though I do know that most of them are busy working. I am doing
ok. Both of my parents came out this time, dad didn't want to wait by the phone again. He left the day after I left the hospital. My mom stayed for a few more weeks, just while my leg got stronger. Yes this time when I woke up I couldn't move my left foot. It didn't really weaken my leg, just my foot. I am still working on getting it back to where it was before this last surgery. I bought a stationary bike to help. They always had me ride one in physical therapy, so I decided to buy one. It is
definitely helping. My recovery from this surgery was the quickest and best one yet. i haven't felt this good in a very long time. Unfortunately a recent MRI shows that the doc missed a tiny bit of the tumor and a new tumor has decided to show up. Isn't that just great! I went into surgery 6 weeks ago with 4 tumors and as of right now I still have 4 tumors! The doc wants to do gamma knife, just having insurance
probs. Almost over, tomorrow I should finally get scheduled- I was supposed to get the procedure done this week! Once I have the gamma knife procedure this tumor that keeps coming back should be done in for good. Plus the doc wants to get the one I have that is inoperable and the new one. Which will leave me with one. It is located in the frontal lobe and hasn't grown at all since we found it so the doc wants to leave it alone. I just hope we get this gamma knife done so the regrowth doesn't get too big to do gamma knife. I don't want to have another surgery!
So I left my job on Friday the 13 th of July, yes Friday the 13 th! I was a mess. I wasn't allowed to go to set so I could only say goodbye to a few people, luckily those few consisted of most of the cast. Only 2 people called me to see if I was OK. I felt lucky to have them, but hurt by the rest. With my health problems no one else bothered to find out if I was OK. Whatever.
I left work and went straight to my docs and told him what Work told me. I was bawling. He got me set up for disability insurance and told me to see the Neurologist, to rule out any side effects of the meds and any kind of seizure activity in brain that could cause such behavior. We did a EEG and it showed no seizure activity and it turns out the meds I am on is also know as a mood stabilizer (although I have read online someone said they have had anger outbursts on Keppra so who knows).
The beginning of Aug was when I was scheduled for my next check up MRI so I kept that appointment. The MRI showed the tumor that was removed was growing back in 2 places- fast. Not good. I was very upset. I thought I had been doing everything right, I was taking much better care of myself than I used to, I stopped drinking and smoking, and I was eating healthier and getting exercise- though it was hard to get enough exercise with my leg not at 100%. I couldn't understand why this was still happening to me. Hadn't I gone through enough? I just lost my job and never got to see any of my friends and now I had to deal with more tumors and another surgery. This time I was scared. I knew deep down that I didn't survive the first 2 surgeries to give in to the third, but for some reason I was really scared. I had nothing to look forward to after the surgery. No job. It really upset me. I was really lost and I had no one to talk to. I tried, but no one was available. That made it worse. But on my birthday something happened that made me feel much better. I had a party and invited several people to join me for dinner on the Santa Monica Pier. Many people said they would come. I was thrilled. Then on my birthday, which was a day before the dinner, several people contacted me telling me they couldn't make it. I got so depressed, not to mention that I spent my actual birthday all alone, no one was able to spend the day with me because they were working or out of town, etc... Then the day of the dinner a couple more people canceled. Great. Why not. I decided to go to the pier early because I wanted to ride the rides and I was afraid if I waited and counted on my friends to ride with me I might not get the chance. So I did and I had a lot of fun. Then came time for dinner. My friends started to arrive, mostly on time, and we got a table and ordered. Dinner was great. I got some presents and free food and got to spend time with some friends. Then one of my friends gave me this card. She worked on the show that I did the pilot for and she got everyone to sign the card. When she handed me the card I noticed that it was thick. She got a collection going for me for my birthday and collected $400! I was so touched. My depression ended right then. I knew that although people don't have time for me they do care and some day I will have someone who will be there for me. But I still had to wait for the surgery. And that was hard. I was still scared.
Of course I don't really think I was afraid to die, I was afraid of leaving my parents. They already lost one child. When I was 3 they had a boy. He died when he was 8 hours old. I can't imagine losing one child, let alone 2. I don't know if my mom could handle it. That is what I was more worried about. If I died, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this any more. Fine by me. Though I am NOT ready to die, don't get me wrong, I am just OK if it happens. I just don't want my parents to suffer.
Plus this is the first time I had to wait a couple of weeks before the surgery. I had all that time to think about it, and worry about it. That was the hard part. Once it was over I was fine, it was the waiting that really got to me.
This time after the surgery I was only in the hospital for a few days. My surgery was on Wednesday Sept 19, 2007 and I was released on Sat Sept 22 by noon. I only had two visitors this time, because I was released so early. I had friends who were planning to visit on the weekend, but I was not there. Also, I didn't get very many phone calls this time. I texted everyone to let them know I was OK and that I had been released and I got messages back congratulating me, but that was about it. I really haven't heard from that many people since, though I do know that most of them are busy working. I am doing ok. Both of my parents came out this time, dad didn't want to wait by the phone again. He left the day after I left the hospital. My mom stayed for a few more weeks, just while my leg got stronger. Yes this time when I woke up I couldn't move my left foot. It didn't really weaken my leg, just my foot. I am still working on getting it back to where it was before this last surgery. I bought a stationary bike to help. They always had me ride one in physical therapy, so I decided to buy one. It is definitely helping. My recovery from this surgery was the quickest and best one yet. i haven't felt this good in a very long time. Unfortunately a recent MRI shows that the doc missed a tiny bit of the tumor and a new tumor has decided to show up. Isn't that just great! I went into surgery 6 weeks ago with 4 tumors and as of right now I still have 4 tumors! The doc wants to do gamma knife, just having insurance probs. Almost over, tomorrow I should finally get scheduled- I was supposed to get the procedure done this week! Once I have the gamma knife procedure this tumor that keeps coming back should be done in for good. Plus the doc wants to get the one I have that is inoperable and the new one. Which will leave me with one. It is located in the frontal lobe and hasn't grown at all since we found it so the doc wants to leave it alone. I just hope we get this gamma knife done so the regrowth doesn't get too big to do gamma knife. I don't want to have another surgery!